Z is Hilarious

[Soul]

In order to avoid lawsuits, most waterparks are designed so people don't get hurt. Or so I hear.

[grassbass]

Can he not go to a regular water park? Or is the line drawn at "mega" water parks? What about a pool? Is he allowed to take a bath?

 

I heard the Cubs make him wear water wings whenever he's eating soup.

[TruffleShuffle]

i've gone to waterparks probably 50 times in my life and been injured precisely zero times.

[Andy]

i've gone to waterparks probably 50 times in my life and been injured precisely zero times.

But you're not a major league pitcher, clearly injuries follow these guys just waiting to attack.

 

Geez.

[Vanilla Ice]

Can he not go to a regular water park? Or is the line drawn at "mega" water parks? What about a pool? Is he allowed to take a bath?

No

[GhostRunner]

I think contracts should starting including clauses banning hot tubs, and sneezing. And dreams about spiders.

[Tarver]

And irons. And Jesus.

[Little Slide Rooter]

and being Aaron Miles.

[Outshined_One]

I think contracts should starting including clauses banning hot tubs, and sneezing. And dreams about spiders.

 

And washing your car. And putting on cowboy boots. And ironing shirts you are currently wearing. And removing shrink wrap from DVDs. And lifting pillows. And carrying a deer carcass up a flight of stairs. And being run over by automatic tarp machines.

[Roast]

In order to avoid lawsuits, most waterparks are designed so people don't get hurt. Or so I hear.

:-))

[NCCubFan]

I think contracts should starting including clauses banning hot tubs, and sneezing. And dreams about spiders.

Otherwise known as the Glenallen Hill Clause.

[Derwood]

or receiving Bowie knives as gifts

[sweetpeteman]

I think contracts should starting including clauses banning hot tubs, and sneezing. And dreams about spiders.

 

And washing your car. And putting on cowboy boots. And ironing shirts you are currently wearing. And removing shrink wrap from DVDs. And lifting pillows. And carrying a deer carcass up a flight of stairs. And being run over by automatic tarp machines.

 

 

Don't forget making sure to state how a player lies while sleeping so he doesn't sleep on his eye wrong.

[chuckywang]

I think contracts should starting including clauses banning hot tubs, and sneezing. And dreams about spiders.

 

And washing your car. And putting on cowboy boots. And ironing shirts you are currently wearing. And removing shrink wrap from DVDs. And lifting pillows. And carrying a deer carcass up a flight of stairs. And being run over by automatic tarp machines.

 

What is it about being a baseball player that automatically makes you Mr. Glass?

[siuc1996]

And yet it appears Z admits to playing softball, of course. But he hides behind it by saying he was only playing catch with his daughter. I'm not a Z hater, by the way. I used to love the guy. But I'm so sick of this team and what they have all become collectively. Just so very disappointed.

he's not allowed to play catch with his daughter?

 

He was caught playing a pickup game which was reported days ago. Since he was caught, he is now saying he was just playing catch with his daughter. Again, the Dusty excuse. Hide behind the kids. So lame.

 

"Reported" by some random caller on a sports talk show. That makes it 100% true.

 

Wrong. Z admitted to playing softball. Why is this so hard to follow? :banghead:

 

And for those laughing at waterparks, I present:

 

http://www.rideaccidents.com/

 

Still want your $90 million supposed ace and leader farting around these places?

[Tarver]

Mr. glass or Mr. too hungover to run around in 90+ weather?

[Garwilly]

http://www.rideaccidents.com/

 

Still want your $90 million supposed ace and leader farting around these places?

 

 

I don't mind at all.

[jersey cubs fan]

And yet it appears Z admits to playing softball, of course. But he hides behind it by saying he was only playing catch with his daughter. I'm not a Z hater, by the way. I used to love the guy. But I'm so sick of this team and what they have all become collectively. Just so very disappointed.

he's not allowed to play catch with his daughter?

 

He was caught playing a pickup game which was reported days ago. Since he was caught, he is now saying he was just playing catch with his daughter. Again, the Dusty excuse. Hide behind the kids. So lame.

 

"Reported" by some random caller on a sports talk show. That makes it 100% true.

 

Wrong. Z admitted to playing softball. Why is this so hard to follow? :banghead:

 

And for those laughing at waterparks, I present:

 

http://www.rideaccidents.com/

 

Still want your $90 million supposed ace and leader farting around these places?

 

I love waterparks, if I was a starting pitcher I'd absolutely take the chance between starts to head to one of those.

[Bobson Dugnutt]

http://www.car-accidents.com/

 

 

Still want your $90 million supposed ace and leader farting around in one of these?

[siuc1996]

http://www.car-accidents.com/

 

 

Still want your $90 million supposed ace and leader farting around in one of these?

 

Not if Lance Briggs is driving.

[DiamondMind]

 

Not if Lance Briggs is driving.

 

:good:

[NonProfitCow]

http://www.rideaccidents.com/

 

Still want your $90 million supposed ace and leader farting around these places?

 

I might make that my new homepage. According to that site, 16 people died at waterparks from 1972-1997, most of them young children and teenagers. Obviously they're deathtraps.

[Larry Horse]

i can't believe people are entertained by/love zambrano. he's easily one of my least favorite cubs.

 

I agree to a point, and then management has to be blamed.

 

They've sunk a lot of money in this guy and it seems that they are going to go the "Let Carlos be Carlos" route. Whatever they have tried to do in dealing with Carlos hasn't worked, so it looks like they are just going to throw up their hands.

 

Like I said before, if he was on another team the majority of Cub fan reaction would be along the lines of "great stuff but what an a#####e" "paid like an ace, but doesn't act/pitch like one". But since he has the C on his cap, Z's d-bag qualities are going to be overlooked by a lot of Cub fans.

Edited September 2, 2009 by Larry Horse

[siuc1996]

http://www.rideaccidents.com/

 

Still want your $90 million supposed ace and leader farting around these places?

 

I might make that my new homepage. According to that site, 16 people died at waterparks from 1972-1997, most of them young children and teenagers. Obviously they're deathtraps.

 

Did you also take into account all those blown out knees, torn rotator cuffs, broken bones, sprained ankles and concussions that never got reported? God, this thread is so much fun.

 

Larry Horse, by cracky, I agree 100%. I've defended Carlos to the ends of the earth to a Cardinal co-worker but I'm done. He's a douche. Both the co-worker and Carlos.

[SouthSideRyan]

And don't forget choking on your food. Or being run over by a bus while crossing the street.

 

I'd really like Zambrano to get out of Chicago as soon as games are over. Too many murders.

 

And he should start flying Qantas.