ESPN Page 2 2006 MLB preview

[Z38Cubs]

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=gallo/060403_april

 

Pretty funny stuff here. Some of my favorites.

 

April 10 -- Cardinals center fielder Jim Edmonds christens the new Busch Stadium in his own special way by diving needlessly for a routine fly ball in St. Louis' home opener.

 

May 11 -- New St. Louis pitcher Sidney Ponson takes a 250-mile trip to Kansas City on a Cardinals off-day where he discovers barbecue ribs. He returns to the team five days later weighing 580 pounds.

 

May 19 -- With the Cubs visiting U.S. Cellular Field to play an interleague series against the White Sox, the defending champs get their first home sellout of the season.

 

May 21 -- With manager Frank Robinson asleep in the dugout again during an afternoon game, Alfonso Soriano changes the lineup card, putting himself at second for the Nationals and Jose Vidro in left.

 

 

June 11 -- Chicago White Sox players admit that after a full season with him, and despite his role in helping them win a World Series ring, they're starting to hate A.J. Pierzynski now, too, just like everyone else.

 

June 29 -- Strolling through St. Louis on an off day, Cardinals pitcher Sidney Ponson gets jammed in the Gateway Arch and is freed only after he eats off one of his love handles.

 

July 22 -- While the Cubs have a scheduled off-day, White Sox starter Mark Buehrle pitches a perfect game against the Rangers, but it's not enough to get the White Sox their first-ever appearance on the front page of the Chicago sports sections

 

August 21 -- A strike by a local beer distributor leaves Wrigley Field without beer for one game, forcing 40,000 Cubs fans to watch a game sober and realize for the first time that they've been watching some pretty awful baseball over the past 100 years.

 

August 22 -- Before a game in Seattle, Yankees center fielder Johnny Damon asks Mariners starter Jamie Moyer how he is able to throw the ball with such velocity.

 

September 18 -- White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski creates a MySpace page in hopes of getting some friends for the first time in his life.

[Omar]

April 10 -- Cardinals center fielder Jim Edmonds christens the new Busch Stadium in his own special way by diving needlessly for a routine fly ball in St. Louis' home opener.

 

:lol:

[KingKongvs.Godzilla]

:lol:

 

Very funny stuff.

[UMFan83]

And then just some odd ones:

 

May 8 -- Cubs starter Carlos Zambrano experiences elbow problems for the second year in a row due to spending too much time online "e-mailing his brother," according to a team report. But since Zambrano also is reported to be suffering from poor eyesight and unusual hair growth on his palms, many suspect the "e-mailing his brother" claim is a cover story.

[UMFan83]

And some ignorant ones:

 

September 26 -- For the fifth year in a row, Dodgers closer Eric Gagne is awarded the prestigious Greatest Canadian Reliever Award, as voted on by the Canadian baseball press.

 

I wonder if they realize that if that award was real, it more then likely would have went to Ryan Dempster last year.

[Jehrico]

They opened up July with a bang:

 

July 1 -- In the midst of another disappointing season with the Mets, Carlos Beltran sends his agent a card thanking him for not negotiating an incentives-based contract.

 

 

July 2 -- Dontrelle Willis is placed on the 15-day disabled list with elbow pain caused by Marlins manager Joe Girardi's starting him every other day because he's the only decent pitcher on the team.

 

 

July 3 -- The Yankees lose in Cleveland in the bottom of the ninth when the Indians' Travis Hafner tags up and scores from first on shallow fly ball to Johnny Damon.

[Andy]

This guy really seems to hate AJ Pierzynski - which makes me like him quite a bit.

[anemic offense]

The Edmonds one made me laugh right away. :lol:

[Mizzou]

April 9 -- Detroit pitcher Kenny Rogers skips a game in Texas so he can attend a Pacers-Pistons game at The Palace of Auburn Hills in hopes of getting in a fight.

 

April 27 -- Orioles starter Kris Benson gives up 12 runs in the first inning to the Blue Jays, distracted by his ex-wife having sex with the Toronto Maple Leafs in a Rogers Centre hotel room overlooking center field.

 

June 4 -- Playing a bit out of position again, Nationals left fielder Alfonso Soriano starts a rare 7-6-3 double play on a ground ball hit between first and second.

 

:lol:

[Gunned]

And then just some odd ones:

 

May 8 -- Cubs starter Carlos Zambrano experiences elbow problems for the second year in a row due to spending too much time online "e-mailing his brother," according to a team report. But since Zambrano also is reported to be suffering from poor eyesight and unusual hair growth on his palms, many suspect the "e-mailing his brother" claim is a cover story.

 

That's not an "odd" one. It's hinting at something.

[sethuel1]

And then just some odd ones:

 

May 8 -- Cubs starter Carlos Zambrano experiences elbow problems for the second year in a row due to spending too much time online "e-mailing his brother," according to a team report. But since Zambrano also is reported to be suffering from poor eyesight and unusual hair growth on his palms, many suspect the "e-mailing his brother" claim is a cover story.

 

That's not an "odd" one. It's hinting at something.

I wonder what.

[Butterscup1679666578]

September 4 -- Manny Ramirez stands awestruck in left field and refuses to move for nearly an hour after his eye catches something sparkly in the Fenway crowd.

 

September 13 -- For a home game against the Rockies, the Giants honor reliever Merkin Valdez by giving away a free merkin to the first 20,000 fans over the age of 12.

:lol:

 

September 24 -- Manny Ramirez tells Coco Crisp that he thought he looked better last year when he wasn't so tan and had long hair and a beard. Crisp informs Ramirez that he is not Johnny Damon and that Damon hasn't been on the team all season, after which Ramirez just stares blankly for a few seconds and then walks away.

 

The Manny ones are awesome.

[Ding Dong Johnson]

June 29 -- Strolling through St. Louis on an off day, Cardinals pitcher Sidney Ponson gets jammed in the Gateway Arch and is freed only after he eats off one of his love handles.

 

Quoted for hilarity.

[Diffusion]

My favourite...

 

July 3 -- The Yankees lose in Cleveland in the bottom of the ninth when the Indians' Travis Hafner tags up and scores from first on shallow fly ball to Johnny Damon.

[Yeti]

August 1 -- The San Francisco Giants' locker room is closed before a home game against the Nationals due to a sewage leak. It is quickly re-opened, however, after Moises Alou volunteers to clean up the mess with his bare hands.

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[BigbadB]

September 24 -- Manny Ramirez tells Coco Crisp that he thought he looked better last year when he wasn't so tan and had long hair and a beard. Crisp informs Ramirez that he is not Johnny Damon and that Damon hasn't been on the team all season, after which Ramirez just stares blankly for a few seconds and then walks away.

 

 

:stick:

[Soul]

:lol:

 

These are priceless. Thanks for sharing.

[soccer10k]

My favorite has to be:

 

July 12 -- Tigers manager Jim Leyland introduces himself to Giants slugger Barry Bonds at an All-Star Game event, telling him he used to manage a player with the same name but a much, much smaller body during his time with the Pirates in the late '80s and early '90s.

[NCCubFan]

I'm surprised nobody's mentioned this one yet:

April 15 -- Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood announces he will attend medical school part-time in the hope of being able to do all of his surgeries on himself in the future.

[vance_the_cubs_fan]

A few of my favorites:

 

May 4 -- Jeff Bagwell holds a press conference to announce that he feels healthy enough to return to action, but the event ends abruptly when Astros owner Drayton McClane suddenly appears on stage and chops off Bagwell's right arm with a brutal axe blow to the shoulder.

 

May 25 -- With an outfield of Steve Finley, Moises Alou and Barry Bonds, the Giants sign Rickey Henderson for a much-needed infusion of youth.

[Outshined_One]

These are gems:

 

May 16 -- A Red Sox front office employee drives struggling third baseman Mike Lowell way out into the country, lets him run around in a field for a few minutes, and then shoots him.

 

May 26 -- With the Braves stuck in the National League East cellar with a league-worst 5.11 staff ERA, pitching coach Roger McDowell begins nervously rocking back and forth.

 

June 25 -- With the Phillies in Boston for an interleague series, Red Sox and Phillies fans get in a huge brawl over who is the most annoying.

 

July 15 -- Tragedy strikes the St. Louis Cardinals when diminutive second baseman David Eckstein drowns in the dugout when two inches of water gathers during a rain delay.

 

July 25 -- Greg Maddux and Tom Glavine square off in a semi-depressing pitching "duel" of former greats in a game between the Cubs and Mets, each giving up six runs in five innings of work before being replaced by a reliever.

 

August 16 -- Boston left fielder Manny Ramirez walks through a door into the Green Monster during a game and, once inside, sees himself on a television walk through the door into the Green Monster due to a five-second broadcast delay. His mind is blown.

 

August 24 -- Before a home game against the Twins, the Orioles honor the career of longtime first baseman Rafael Palmeiro by unveiling a giant No. 25 Palmeiro jersey on the Camden Yards warehouse. It's then lit on fire to the delight of the crowd.

 

August 31 -- Craig Biggio is hit by a pitch in an Astros win over the Brewers, extending his record to 285 for most pitches not gotten out of the way of in major league history.

 

September 3 -- Unable to afford them any longer, the Marlins leave Dontrelle Willis and Miguel Cabrera on Bud Selig's doorstep with a note asking the commissioner to find them a good home.