3/28/19 CUBS (Lester) @ The Texas School Book Depository (Minor) - 3:05 CST - WGN

[Sammy Sofa]

Less than 48 hours to go, so let's dust this thing off.

 

It's time for baseball! Unfortunately, our beloved team is owned and possibly run by complete assholes. But, hey, watching the Cubs win games is fun, so hopefully they do that AND the Ricketteseseseseseseseses end up falling into a Sarlacc pit.

 

Giant Babyman Jonny "Jon-Jon Junior Shabadoo" Lester gets the Opening Day start yet again. Yeah, spring training is spring training, but: HOLY horsefeathers! This dude REALLY sucked in spring training! Hopefully he's just getting the kinks out since he's the baseball equivalent of being 67.

 

Meanwhile, the guy he's squaring off opposite of looks like he's ACTUALLY 67, yet is somehow several years younger than Redface McGoo:

 

 

So the Rangers are supposed to be terrible; their starting rotation certainly is. Minor loves to give up the dong, so that would be a pleasant way for the Cubs to try and purge the bitter memories of one of the lamest 95-win seasons ever. Along those lines, let me unveil my latest and greatest creation:

 

[dropshadow=blue]The Kris Bryant Days Without a Dong-o-Meter[/dropshadow]: [glow=red][fade]180 DAYS[/fade][/glow]

 

Some might say it's petty going all the way back to September 28th of last year for this...and they'd be right. I am a petty, petty man. I was also stunned to find that he hit TWO dongs last September. That's positively Heyward-ian (just kidding; Jason Heyward would KILL to be on a 2 dong-a month pace).

 

As for the gif theme...well, these creeps need to earn my Mad Men gif love again, so in the meantime they're going to get nothing but gifs from the horror that is The Big Bang Theory. Give me a streak to start it off and I'll knock it off, you jerks!

 

Edited March 27, 2019 by Sammy Sofa

[Ding Dong Johnson]

Holy balls, I have to get a gam thread ready for Saturday. I'm not ready.

[jersey cubs fan]

Less than 48 hours to go, so let's dust this thing off.

 

It's time for baseball!

I feel like that can't be true.

[squally1313]

Might as well knock out 20 in a row before Russell gets back and watching this team gets even more frustrating than it already will be.

[JudasIscariotTheBird]

I think you found the only way for me to root against the Cubs: BBT gifs. Although, it might be fun to scream "Bazinga!" after a Bryant HR at the Wisconsin-themed bar I'll be watching Opening Day from.

[Bluescale]

[dropshadow=blue]The Kris Bryant Days Without a Dong-o-Meter[/dropshadow]: [glow=red][fade]178 DAYS[/fade][/glow]

 

Eh...he's hit two this spring...

[Sammy Sofa]

[dropshadow=blue]The Kris Bryant Days Without a Dong-o-Meter[/dropshadow]: [glow=red][fade]178 DAYS[/fade][/glow]

 

Eh...he's hit two this spring...

 

FAKE STATS.

 

Though I did update the counter to actually reflect what it will be on gameday.

[Sammy Sofa]

I think you found the only way for me to root against the Cubs: BBT gifs. Although, it might be fun to scream "Bazinga!" after a Bryant HR at the Wisconsin-themed bar I'll be watching Opening Day from.

 

Oh, it is indeed a cruel and awful thing for me to do. That's why the Devil's bargain I've made is that 3 wins in a row will kill them forever.

[Aaron_Kennelly]

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QZSfbZiWilw/UdS84_PR79I/AAAAAAAAQxw/uOw7vrsvOFQ/s500/bbts7.gif

[Sammy Sofa]

http://www.celebquote.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/big-bang-theory-leonard-quotes-17.gif

[imb]

we deserve the bing bong brothers: bazongus

[Cubswin11]

[itisallpartoftheplan]

Hey we get an off day before a real game!! Is that allowed for the Cubs??

[soccer10k]

Holy balls, I have to get a gam thread ready for Saturday. I'm not ready.

 

I mean, April 6 is over 10 days off. You have plenty of time.

[Brian707]

Though I did update the counter to actually reflect what it will be on gameday.

 

 

[Derwood]

Might as well knock out 20 in a row before Russell gets back and watching this team gets even more frustrating than it already will be.

 

Brace yourself for the standing ovation he’s getting for his first home AB

[squally1313]

Might as well knock out 20 in a row before Russell gets back and watching this team gets even more frustrating than it already will be.

 

Brace yourself for the standing ovation he’s getting for his first home AB

 

I don't think so, but not necessarily because I put a ton of faith in the fans. He objectively wasn't good last year, and he's never had the hustle/grit (read: he's not white) or even the high batting average that usually drives that kind of fandom. All of which to say, again, for the 47th time, why did we need to bring this guy back.

[jersey cubs fan]

Might as well knock out 20 in a row before Russell gets back and watching this team gets even more frustrating than it already will be.

 

Brace yourself for the standing ovation he’s getting for his first home AB

 

I don't think so, but not necessarily because I put a ton of faith in the fans. He objectively wasn't good last year, and he's never had the hustle/grit (read: he's not white) or even the high batting average that usually drives that kind of fandom. All of which to say, again, for the 47th time, why did we need to bring this guy back.

[Sammy Sofa]

 

Brace yourself for the standing ovation he’s getting for his first home AB

 

I don't think so, but not necessarily because I put a ton of faith in the fans. He objectively wasn't good last year, and he's never had the hustle/grit (read: he's not white) or even the high batting average that usually drives that kind of fandom. All of which to say, again, for the 47th time, why did we need to bring this guy back.

 

horsefeathers. Lapkus rules, and she should be getting ALL OF THE WORK, but it genuinely pains me to see that she was on this horsefeathering show.

[jersey cubs fan]

 

I don't think so, but not necessarily because I put a ton of faith in the fans. He objectively wasn't good last year, and he's never had the hustle/grit (read: he's not white) or even the high batting average that usually drives that kind of fandom. All of which to say, again, for the 47th time, why did we need to bring this guy back.

 

horsefeathers. Lapkus rules, and she should be getting ALL OF THE WORK, but it genuinely pains me to see that she was on this horsefeathering show.

[UMFan83]

3:05 is the worst time for an opening day game to start. Either make the game at a time where the game can be completed during work hours or at night so I can watch the entirety at home.

[Sammy Sofa]

 

horsefeathers. Lapkus rules, and she should be getting ALL OF THE WORK, but it genuinely pains me to see that she was on this horsefeathering show.

 

She's been done Judy Greer-ed.

[Brian707]

3:05 is the worst time for an opening day game to start. Either make the game at a time where the game can be completed during work hours or at night so I can watch the entirety at home.

 

 

[Bluescale]

3:05 is the worst time for an opening day game to start. Either make the game at a time where the game can be completed during work hours or at night so I can watch the entirety at home.

 

Isn't that what the DVR is for?

[jersey cubs fan]

3:05 is the worst time for an opening day game to start. Either make the game at a time where the game can be completed during work hours or at night so I can watch the entirety at home.

 

Isn't that what the DVR is for?