Cubs Convention

[Epsteenie]

Is anybody else going to the Cubs Convention? I have looked for a schedule online and can't find one. Has a schedule been posted yet?

[treebird]

DAY ONE

 

5:00pm: meet the people who disassembled the cubs in the offseason (literally. roast tore down the machine that shoots tennis ball popups to fans before games and he has a LOT to say about it).

5:45pm: autographs from the cubs who have a chance in hell of ops'ing .800 in 2012

5:49pm: starlin is tired of signing autographs alone so he just uses a stamp or something and everyone gets mad and yells a lot

 

DAY TWO

 

9:00am: dale sveum explains how to pronounce his last name until the sort of person who attends the cubs convention can understand

7:30pm: crane kenney explains the ways in which "200 million dollar baseball budget" really means "like 107 million and maybe a mcdonalds or something"

8:00pm: ultrasound images taken in 2011 of the players who will be on the next cubs team over .500

 

DAY THREE

 

9:00am: eddie vedder debuts new cub-related songs

12:15pm: wary crowd is convinced to re-enter hotel

12:30pm: unknown speaker Bums everyone out by devoting entire speech to 49ers football and purdue basketball before stepping down and drinking various audience members' milkshakes

1:00pm: jed reminds everyone he is a lot smarter than us and why don't we just shut up until he puts his team on the field

2:00pm: theo attempts to give similar speech before leaving early due to numerous audience members complaining of strange luminescence emanating from some sort of ellipse surrounding his head

2:15pm: derrick rose enters building to numerous "MOST VALUABLE SPEAKER" chants, delivers moderately impressive speech, hopes no one notices that he hit on like 40% of his major points when it counted

3:00: ricketts delivers impassioned speech reminding us we are weak. he can do whatever the hell he wants -- when this team is even slightly interesting again, we'll be back, HARD. maybe he goes cheap a year, but most of us are too dumb to leave. the smart ones among us will "hold out" by going to three games in 2012 and watching 130 on television. few among us are strong enough to actually bolt, and those who linger will be rewarded when it's made clear that smart people have a plan.

 

happy 2012, friends.

[seanimal]

lol

[Brett]

Can't wait for Day Three at 9am.

[The R-Train]

The highlight will once again be Wayne Messmer hosting Cubs Bingo on Friday night.

[Soul]

Maybe we can get Sveum to do a seminar on who the hot chick is next to him in his yearbook.

[North Iowa Cub]

I believe it's Eileen Tackley.

[imb]

"And the winner for the autographed prosthetic leg of HALL-OF-FAMER RON SANTO goes to ... lucky ticket 108! Come on down, 108!"

[jersey cubs fan]

9:00am: dale sveum explains how to pronounce his last name until the sort of person who attends the cubs convention can understand

[The R-Train]

I believe it's Eileen Tackley.

she can tackle me... ;)

[The R-Train]

"And the winner for the autographed prosthetic leg of HALL-OF-FAMER RON SANTO goes to ... lucky ticket 108! Come on down, 108!"

No. You're thinking of a raffle. Haven't you ever played Bingo before?!

[Guest]

Is anybody else going to the Cubs Convention? I have looked for a schedule online and can't find one. Has a schedule been posted yet?

 

I was curious about this too, and if google's dates are to be believed, they waited until about this week or the week of the convention to release the schedule last year. Not very convenient, but it doesn't look to be an unusual wait.

[The R-Train]

Friday night- opening ceremonies hosted by Pat Hughes and Cubs Bingo hosted by Wayne Messmer. A few hundred fans will have to sit on the floor for Bingo, but you can win fun prizes such as flags and autographed bats and stuff and junk.

 

Saturday- Q&A with Cubs management, also stand in long lines for autographs.

 

Sunday- nothing good

[SouthSideRyan]

When's the meet and greet with Roast?

[The R-Train]

Roast is a big jerk who thinks he's cool because he has a real job now and he said he's too busy to be my wingman anymore.

[Old Style]

Can't wait for Day Three at 9am.

Someday we'll go all the way.

[Sammy Sofa]

At Riguly Field.

[SouthSideRyan]

So we're just going to ignore the Roast the wingman thing?

[treebird]

So we're just going to ignore the Roast the wingman thing?

 

i bet you'd get laid a lot if you had a buddy who could kick two girls in the face at the same time

[Tracer Bullet]

So we're just going to ignore the Roast the wingman thing?

 

i bet you'd get laid a lot if you had a buddy who could kick two girls in the face at the same time

 

Hahaha

[Sammy Sofa]

Excellent.

[Tracer Bullet]

So we're just going to ignore the Roast the wingman thing?

 

i bet you'd get laid a lot if you had a buddy who could kick two girls in the face at the same time

 

imb should have roast as a wingman. His vertigo would no longer be an obstacle.

[imb]

So we're just going to ignore the Roast the wingman thing?

 

i bet you'd get laid a lot if you had a buddy who could kick two girls in the face at the same time

 

imb should have roast as a wingman. His vertigo would no longer be an obstacle.

 

hello im in an 18-month relationship, i no longer have any sex except with myself

[SouthSideRyan]

So we're just going to ignore the Roast the wingman thing?

 

i bet you'd get laid a lot if you had a buddy who could kick two girls in the face at the same time

 

imb should have roast as a wingman. His vertigo would no longer be an obstacle.

 

hello im in an 18-month relationship, i no longer have any sex except with myself

 

So Roast has taught you a thing or two.

[Tracer Bullet]

So we're just going to ignore the Roast the wingman thing?

 

i bet you'd get laid a lot if you had a buddy who could kick two girls in the face at the same time

 

imb should have roast as a wingman. His vertigo would no longer be an obstacle.

 

hello im in an 18-month relationship, i no longer have any sex except with myself

 

18 months? What are you waiting for. Find yourself a nice parking lot and marry that girl.