Cubs Sign Wood to 1 year, $1.5 Million Contract (p. 5)

[Tracer Bullet]

He also took a jab at me after I mentioned how pleased I was with the decision to sign Carlos Pena by saying...

 

weren't you people also excited about milton bradley and and that theriot guy?

 

He basically only comments on anything I post that's Cubs related by poking fun at it and providing this heir of superiority for being a White Sox fan. His status after the Cubs signed Wood was...

 

the genius of the cubs never ceases to amaze me

 

Which makes no sense whatsoever. He's from the south side of Chicago so he's a lifelong Sox fan, but he's just a typical Sox fan who focuses on the rivalry between them and the Cubs.

 

Even if Kerry Wood wasn't a hero to Cubs fans, and was just another reliever on the market, this is still a good signing no matter how you slice it. To ridicule it is stupid because there's not really anything bad about it

 

Just tell your friend that he's clearly too stupid to be a fan of any team but the White Sox and never speak to him again. I can't imagine being friends with someone who not only thinks this, but would send it to me in an email.

[C.C.]

I'm still giddy over this signing! Can't wait to see him take the bump in Wrigley.

[Banedon]

Whoa...that's a great deal. Kerry really must've wanted to come back.

[Shawon12]

=D> Boomboxes beware

[David]

Hopefully Benchwarmer can put together a nice mock write-up on those organizational meetings. I can hardly wait.

 

hahahahahaha

[David]

That math by The Logan's friend is going to have a massive negative impact on my productivity today.

[Benchwarmer]

14 stints on the DL. Yup..dat's a great deal.

[tfarks]

14 stints on the DL. Yup..dat's a great deal.

 

Divide that by the total amount of DL stints and innings played in MLB the last 3 years and give us a real number please

[SouthSideRyan]

He also took a jab at me after I mentioned how pleased I was with the decision to sign Carlos Pena by saying...

 

weren't you people also excited about milton bradley and and that theriot guy?

 

He basically only comments on anything I post that's Cubs related by poking fun at it and providing this heir of superiority for being a White Sox fan. His status after the Cubs signed Wood was...

 

the genius of the cubs never ceases to amaze me

 

Which makes no sense whatsoever. He's from the south side of Chicago so he's a lifelong Sox fan, but he's just a typical Sox fan who focuses on the rivalry between them and the Cubs.

 

Even if Kerry Wood wasn't a hero to Cubs fans, and was just another reliever on the market, this is still a good signing no matter how you slice it. To ridicule it is stupid because there's not really anything bad about it

 

Just tell your friend that he's clearly too stupid to be a fan of any team but the White Sox and never speak to him again. I can't imagine being friends with someone who not only thinks this, but would send it to me in an email.

 

Then murder him

[Benchwarmer]

Hopefully Benchwarmer can put together a nice mock write-up on those organizational meetings. I can hardly wait.

 

Wait no longer.

The Cubs Organizational Meeting

Ricketts: “OK..let’s get started. Which one of you is the G.M.?”

Hendry: “That would be me.”

 

Ricketts: “I thought you were the guy who gives me a donut every day.”

Hendry: “I’m that too..but I’m the guy who is responsible for the major and minor league teams.”

 

Ricketts: “OK..what does 2011 look like for the big club?”

Hendry: “Well..due to my astute talent evaluation and deal making, I think we can compete in 2011.”

 

Ricketts: “Oh..so we acquired a quality 1-2 starter?”

Hendry: “Well..no, but I'm dumpster diving right now and may get someone who hasn't picked up a baseball in 3 years.”

 

Ricketts: “And what did we do to replace a .300 hitter like DLee at 1st base?”

Hendry: “We got a .190 left handed hitter who struggles against all pitching.”

 

Ricketts: “Did we trade Soriano, Fukudome or Zambrano yet?”

Hendry: “No, I’m waiting until the trading deadline, so we only have to eat all their remaining contract and not a portion.”

 

Ricketts: “And what about our minor leaguers, what about our hot shot 3rd baseman?”

Hendry: “He’s playing right field and still can’t hit.”

 

Ricketts: “Excellent..you’ve achieved a great deal of success, Jim, with the 4th highest payroll in the majors.”

Hendry: “I stand by my record.”

 

Ricketts: “And we can compete with this fine club you have assembled?

Hendry: “Sure..we get some breaks and stay away from injuries..I think 3rd place in the division is very reachable.”

 

Ricketts: “Now, how about some lunch. Could I have one of those sprinkled donuts?”

Hendry: “Don’t press your luck. Take a donut hole and by the way, I’m bringing back Kerry Wood.”

 

Ricketts: “Third place is a lock.”

[ScrubMD]

lornemichaels@snl.com

 

Do it yesterday! You're welcome.

[ScrubMD]

Of course it doesn't work with the actual money Kerry got, but all the time we had wondering what he would get this is kind of how I figured it would go down.

I imagine Benchwarmer had this thought up before he saw how much money it was and I applaud him for the courage to go ahead and post it, knowing the ridicule he would receive for trying to bring a smile to the face of all of us here at NSBB and make the world a better place.

 

It will be a great day for baseball when they establish the Ron Santo/Benchwarmer Courage Award.

[jersey cubs fan]

Ricketts: “And what did we do to replace a .300 hitter like DLee at 1st base?”

Hendry: “We got a .190 left handed hitter who struggles against all pitching.”

 

 

STUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPID

[Sammy Sofa]

Ricketts: “Oh..so we acquired a quality 1-2 starter?”

Hendry: “Well..no, but I'm dumpster diving right now and may get someone who hasn't picked up a baseball in 3 years.”

 

Brandon Webb hasn't picked up a baseball in 3 years?

 

Ricketts: “And what did we do to replace a .300 hitter like DLee at 1st base?”

Hendry: “We got a .190 left handed hitter who struggles against all pitching.”

 

Lee hit .300 or more for the season only 3 times in his career.

 

Ricketts: “Did we trade Soriano, Fukudome or Zambrano yet?”

Hendry: “No, I’m waiting until the trading deadline, so we only have to eat all their remaining contract and not a portion.”

 

You have a profound lack of understanding of how trades typically work.

 

Ricketts: “And what about our minor leaguers, what about our hot shot 3rd baseman?”

Hendry: “He’s playing right field and still can’t hit.”

 

Wait, you're ignoring everyone else in the farm to focus on Vitters?

 

The rest is just gibberish. You're an idiot.

[SouthSideRyan]

How can Hendry give Ricketts donuts when eats them all himself???

 

And he doesn't know words like astute!!

 

Otherwise, it's perfect.

[ScrubMD]

Astute? More like donut!

[SouthSideRyan]

What I'm saying is Jim Hendry is both fat and dumb see?

[ScrubMD]

I know this is going to be vigorously debated, but from a purely comedic standpoint I think the pièce de résistance is that he doesn't know .300 is more than .190.

[Guest]

I chuckled about the $4.8 million that John Grabow is due until I checked Cot's for the contract details. He's still on the Cubs?!? Didn't we trade him for some mound dirt at the deadline last year? Ugh. I didn't see him in August or September and assumed he got shipped out.

Unfortunately he's still a Cub. He spent much of the second half of the season on the DL, which is why you didn't see him in August or September.

 

August and September was when he was at his best. 0.00 ERA. Let's keep it that way, and he'll have earned his money.

[JonnyRed]

I just got the dumbest response form my White Sox friend asd to why the Wood signing makes him laugh... here's the back and forth...

 

Me: Okay... then what's so funny? The fact that we re-signed an old Cubs player? Should I laugh at the White Sox for re-signing Paul Konerko? I don't get it. There's nothing funny about this deal. Wood had an okay year, but with the way the market is he could've gotten $3-$5 million per over multiple years but opted to take much less for far fewer years to come back to the Cubs. How is that funny?

 

Him: I just don't see wood as a viable pitcher anymore. He hasn't been a serious threat to anyone since his second surgery. He can still play but hasn't produced in several years. Konerko at least could put up some numbers (batted .312 with 170+ hits and almost 40 hr. A-Rod didn't bat over .300) I think it's funny that cubs fans are excited about getting a 'deal' on wood when his name was never even mentioned as a legitimate commodity

 

Me: Over the last 3 years Kerry Wood, in 167IP, has a 3.55 ERA, 196K's, and a 123 ERA+. He's still a viable pitcher.

 

Him: There have been 4374 innings over three years, if he pitched in 167 (and I'm counting full innings) that means he pitched 26.19 innings per year, and he pitches once every 55.67 innings and struck out an avg of .39 batters/inning

 

He actually said that. Took me a few minutes to figure out how the hell he came up with these numbers, and I then responded with...

 

Me: By that idiot math, Jesse Crain pitched 24 innings per year, once every 60 innings, and strikes out .31 batters per inning. Enjoy that 3-year/$13M contract.

 

Your only necessary response was that the genius over on the southside was prepared to spend 2x what Hendry did to land Wood, yet he chose the Cubs.

[SouthSideRyan]

I know this is going to be vigorously debated, but from a purely comedic standpoint I think the pièce de résistance is that he doesn't know .300 is more than .190.

 

No no no. The beauty of benchwarmer's humor is in its subtlety.

 

Hendry: “No, I’m waiting until the trading deadline, so we only have to eat all their remaining contract and not a portion.”

 

 

Perhaps it's too nuanced for someone like yourself to understand, but what he's alluding to is that Hendry won't settle for small portions in his meals, he demands to eat everything, even contracts.

[jersey cubs fan]

Now that the excitement and surprise of bringing back Kerry Wood on the cheap has passed I realize I don't feel the least bit different about the 2011 Cubs. He's still just a middle reliever who will probably struggle a bit and miss significant time. That's not exactly the missing link on this team.

[ScrubMD]

Perhaps it's too nuanced for someone like yourself to understand, but what he's alluding to is that Hendry won't settle for small portions in his meals, he demands to eat everything, even contracts.

 

I think we're both being premature. It's going to take comedy scientists years to really analyze this thing.

[Benchwarmer]

Memo to Jersey:

 

Pena batted .196 last year.

Pena batted .179 against lefthanders.

Pena batted .204 against righthanders.

Pena batted .189 on grass.

Pena batted .177 at night.

 

:-"

[jersey cubs fan]

Memo to Jersey:

 

Pena batted .196 last year.

Pena batted .179 against lefthanders.

Pena batted .204 against righthanders.

Pena batted .189 on grass.

Pena batted .177 at night.

 

:-"

 

And Derrek Lee hit .300?

 

 

And batting average is meaningful why?

Edited December 17, 2010 by jersey cubs fan