Week 5: Buffalo @ Bears - Sunday, Oct. 8th, 12 pm CST

[goonys evil twin]

It's bad mojo to let this thread fall off the first page.

 

EDIT: It wasn't there yet--luckily, I got here just in time.

 

We're having our own letdown game.

 

Jauron can suck the life out of an undefeated season.

[CubmanPi]

It's bad mojo to let this thread fall off the first page.

 

EDIT: It wasn't there yet--luckily, I got here just in time.

 

We're having our own letdown game.

 

Jauron can suck the life out of an undefeated season.

Nah, he's won his last game at Soldier Field.

[thedaymen]

Did we see this yet?

 

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/53698

 

Hungry Bears Defense Feeds On Soldier Field Crowd

October 5, 2006 | Onion Sports

 

CHICAGO—The league-leading Chicago Bears defense, which overpowered and dominated the Seattle Seahawks last Sunday en route to a 37-6 victory, took time after the game to emphasize that they would not have had the extra energy needed to hold the Seattle offense to a mere two field goals if it weren't for the mass cannibalization of nearly 60,000 of their hometown fans.

 

Enlarge Image

 

"Without a doubt, these are the best fans in the world," said Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher, who said that without the rush he received from the supportive, nutrient-rich Bears fans he devoured during the game, he would not have had the strength to make seven tackles during the game, five of which were unassisted.

 

"They gave us what we needed to play hard all four quarters, and this win is definitely for them," continued Urlacher, pointing to a section of empty, blood-stained seats that still housed the uneaten portions of dozens of loyal fans.

 

"Mmmm," Urlacher added.

 

"When I hear that crowd screaming, it just makes me hungrier and hungrier," said Bears safety Danieal Manning, who had four tackles against the Seahawks, and credits the 19 beta-keratin-rich fans he ate for his ability to see Matt Hasslebeck's eyes, aiding him in making two key interceptions. "Many people say that your crowd doesn't make a difference, but in well-fed, nutrient-rich Chicago, that certainly isn't the case."

 

"They're simply the best," Manning added, licking his blood-encrusted teeth, the remnants of a gnarled human index finger still wedged in the gap of his two incisors.

 

Bears fans are renowned as some of the largest, most well-rounded, vitamin-laden fans throughout the National Football League. Although the NFL does not keep statistics on the nutrition content of its crowds, conventional wisdom holds that the amount of protein in the Soldier Field crowd, thought to be double the league average, has allowed Bears defenses throughout history to quickly build and repair stressed muscle tissue during grueling 16-game seasons.

 

"There is no question that they keep us going down the stretch," said 300-pound defensive tackle Tank Johnson, who says he gets a rush of energy from the women and children in attendance when he chews open their stomachs to consume any leftover carbohydrates stored in their digestive systems and the belly fat of their abdominal cavities before gulping down their cheeks and the flesh around their eye sockets, which he says gives him the necessary supplement of the L-cysteine amino acid. "The sacrifice these fans make, especially the ones who travel to the away games… It just hits you right in the gut."

 

""I've heard from guys who play in Miami, Tampa Bay, and Minnesota, and they all complain that their fans just aren't as good as ours," added Johnson with a slight belch brought on by the high fat content of a fan who used to sit right behind the goalpost.

 

302-pound defensive lineman Ian Scott agreed with his teammates, saying that there is just something different about the heart of a Bears fan that is different from that of any other in the league.

 

"It isn't just their heart—it's their nutrient-rich kidneys and livers, too, that make them such an integral part of the game," said Scott, who along with safety Mike Brown, linebacker Lance Briggs, and cornerback Charles Tillman, tends to enjoy the fleshy calf and thigh muscles first while coating their exposed skin with the excess fat adhering to fans' bones in order to keep themselves warm during brutal Chicago winters. "I don't know how many times opposing quarterbacks have been unnerved by our unique relationship with the good, tender, juicy people of Chicago, and have thrown an interception or fumbled a snap because of it."

 

"I can't imagine eating any other fans, and I hope I never have to," Scott added.

 

With the Bears jumping quickly out of the gate with a 4-0 record, many in Chicago are talking Super Bowl, and though head coach Lovie Smith said he plans to take it one game at a time, he knows the benefit of having a home-crowd presence on the world's grandest stage.

 

"Hopefully we can pack the stadium in Miami with Bears fans," Smith said. "It'd be great to have their unique Soldier Field flavor with us to help get us through the big one without a hiccup."

[goonys evil twin]

It's bad mojo to let this thread fall off the first page.

 

EDIT: It wasn't there yet--luckily, I got here just in time.

 

We're having our own letdown game.

 

Jauron can suck the life out of an undefeated season.

Nah, he's won his last game at Soldier Field.

 

I don't mean that Jauron will win the game, just that his involvement in the game has sucked the life out of the place. He's like a vortex of dullness or something.

[CubmanPi]

And a couple of people who posted in this thread already are going to the next game... Make sure to eat your vegetables!

[sweetpeteman]

Note to the onion, Ricky Manning Jr made the int's, not Daniel.

[CubmanPi]

Note to the onion, Ricky Manning Jr made the int's, not Daniel.

For real - how are we supposed to be able to take them seriously when they can't keep their facts straight?

[UMFan83]

Is it just me or did the Onion really miss the funny there? Canabilization?

[David]

Is it just me or did the Onion really miss the funny there? Canabilization?

 

It's not just you.

[Banedon]

Is it just me or did the Onion really miss the funny there? Canabilization?

 

It could have been funny in like a little snippet. But not so much as a full article.

[goonys evil twin]

Is it just me or did the Onion really miss the funny there? Canabilization?

 

It could have been funny in like a little snippet. But not so much as a full article.

 

My thoughts exactly. A quick little play off of the oft-used "we fed off the crowd" phrase and it's decent. It's all about leaving on the high note.

[rawaction]

True or False: Tommy Harris is the best defensive player in the NFL right now

 

True.

 

Shawne Merriman has to be in the conversation though.

 

Merriman's really only had the 1 great game. There are plenty of defenders playing better football right now than him.

[CubmanPi]

Is it just me or did the Onion really miss the funny there? Canabilization?

 

It could have been funny in like a little snippet. But not so much as a full article.

 

My thoughts exactly. A quick little play off of the oft-used "we fed off the crowd" phrase and it's decent. It's all about leaving on the high note.

This is my chronic beef with the Onion. They usually have some pretty clever ideas for articles, but they beat them through the ground every time.

 

"Mmmm," Urlacher added.

They could have ended it there and it would have been great.

[Balsa]

No way that this is even close.

 

27-7 BEARS

[Butterscup1679666578]

BEARS 31

buffalo 0

[Jon]

Thankfully, my cold is gone and I'll be enjoying the game in section 149. I can't wait.

 

Kickoff temps should be right around 70.

Edited October 7, 2006 by Jon

[CubmanPi]

Thankfully, my cold is gone and I'll be enjoying the game in section 120. I can't wait.

 

Kickoff temps should be right around 70.

As should Buffalo's total offense :D

[Soriano12]

If Wale isn't 100% I hope he is smart and doesn't try to force anything.

 

Idonoje/Anderson can holt the fort down for a game.

[minnesotacubsfan]

game will be forfeited as the Bill players meet there dimise in the parking lot

 

Da Coach 23430

 

Da Bills 0

 

 

:)

[Banedon]

ESPN poll on the NFL's first quarter:

 

1) Which is the best team through the first quarter of the season?

 

64.7% Bears (4-0)

11.7% Colts (4-0)

5.3% Ravens (4-0)

5.3% Bengals (3-1)

5.2% Eagles (3-1)

3.1% Patriots (3-1)

1.7% Saints (3-1)

1.3% Falcons (3-1)

0.9% Seahawks (3-1)

0.7% Rams (3-1)

 

2) Which is the worst team?

 

66.9% Raiders (0-3)

15.1% Titans (0-4)

6.5% Lions (0-4)

4.1% Dolphins (1-3)

2.7% Buccaneers (0-3)

1.8% 49ers (1-3)

1.4% Packers (1-3)

0.6% Texans (1-3)

0.5% Cardinals (1-3)

0.5% Browns (1-3)

 

3) Who is the quarter-season MVP?

 

44.4% Rex Grossman

35.0% Donovan McNabb

15.2% Peyton Manning

5.4% Ray Lewis

 

4) What is the biggest surprise thus far?

 

53.0% Rex Grossman 100.8 QB rating, 4-0 record

31.0% Saints at 3-1

8.0% Texans not in last place in AFC South

8.0% Reggie Bush, 0 TD

 

5) Which coach has done the best job thus far?

 

40.4% Lovie Smith, Bears

33.3% Sean Payton, Saints

7.3% Marvin Lewis, Bengals

7.1% Bill Belichick, Patriots

6.8% Brian Billick, Ravens

2.8% Tony Dungy, Colts

2.4% Scott Linehan, Rams

 

6) Before the season started, the Steelers were your pick to win the Super Bowl. After 4 weeks, which team are you picking now?

 

35.0% Bears

9.5% Colts

7.2% Patriots

7.1% Eagles

7.0% Bengals

5.1% Ravens

4.0% Cowboys

2.6% Texans

2.4% Redskins

2.3% Broncos

2.3% Bills

2.0% Seahawks

1.6% Falcons

1.5% Chargers

1.5% Steelers

1.5% Saints

1.2% Panthers

0.9% Rams

0.8% Buccaneers

0.8% Chiefs

0.8% Jets

0.6% Vikings

0.4% Giants

0.4% Jaguars

0.3% Browns

0.3% 49ers

0.3% Packers

0.2% Raiders

0.1% Lions

0.1% Dolphins

0.1% Cardinals

0.1% Titans

 

Total Votes: 24,906

 

It obviously doesn't mean a lot, but I thought it was fun.

[bukie]

ESPN poll on the NFL's first quarter:

 

1) Which is the best team through the first quarter of the season?

 

64.7% Bears (4-0)

11.7% Colts (4-0)

5.3% Ravens (4-0)

5.3% Bengals (3-1)

5.2% Eagles (3-1)

3.1% Patriots (3-1)

1.7% Saints (3-1)

1.3% Falcons (3-1)

0.9% Seahawks (3-1)

0.7% Rams (3-1)

 

-snip-

 

It obviously doesn't mean a lot, but I thought it was fun.

 

I'm really surprised, actually, that the Chargers aren't even among those teams. I'd certainly rate them higher than the Rams-Falcons-Saints. Statistically, they are still the second-best team in the league, even with the loss.

 

If I had to rate a top 10 right now at this point in the season, I'd go with:

 

1. Bears

2. Chargers

3. Ravens (yes, even after last week, the Chargers are a more complete team)

4. Colts

5. Eagles

6. Patriots

7. Bengals

8. Seahawks

9. Cowboys

10. Falcons

 

Odd that two of those teams (Chargers, Cowboys) failed to make the "best team" list.

[Banedon]

I'd definitely have the Chargers up higher. They definitely have the talent. I think the poll reflects a lack of faith in Shottenheimer though. I'm not terribly offended about the Cowboys not being up there though. I'm still a skeptic with them.

[Mark Priors Calves]

3) Who is the quarter-season MVP?

 

44.4% Rex Grossman

35.0% Donovan McNabb

15.2% Peyton Manning

5.4% Ray Lewis

 

Here's a piece from Don Pierson in today's Tribune. He's pimping Grossman for "Early MVP".

[bukie]

Something else I find interesting, looking at DVOA statistics, is how the relative strengths of the divisions work out so far this year, by net DVOA:

 

 

NFC East: 98%

AFC North: 32%

AFC West: 31.5%

AFC East: 4.7%

NFC North: 4.5%

NFC South: -14.1%

NFC West: -66.9%

AFC South: -78.3%

 

I look at this and think to myself, maybe the NFC East is as good as they say. The only division with 4 above-average teams. There are no divisions with 4 below average teams, but the NFC West and NFC North only have 1 above-average team each right now. The AFC South is dragged down by having 2 of the worst teams in the NFL, and the AFC East simply doesn't have any doormats.

 

Looking at this, perhaps the Bears schedule isn't as cake-easy as some of us think. Then again, there are only 4 above-average teams left on the Bears schedule, and they haven't played any above-average teams yet (according to DVOA!). Yes, Seattle's standing was severely hurt by the Bears game, so I'm sure that'll improve, but this is really just a snapshot of the league right now.

[MustangMike]

If Wale isn't 100% I hope he is smart and doesn't try to force anything.

 

Idonoje/Anderson can holt the fort down for a game.

 

Can Anderson play that side end...I'd start him and give Wale a break and get healthy for a LONG season, Hamstrings tend to linger