5/18/18 CLORBS (Lester) @ The Old Shitty Spaghetti Factory (Bailey) 6:10 CST NBC Sports Chicago

[Sammy Sofa]

***5/18 UPDATE UPDATE*** The Barves game got rained out and will be made up on August 30th. The Cubs are now on to Cincinnati, and Lester will now be facing Homer Bailey, who is still hilariously somehow a thing. Homer is president of the Yes Homers Club this season; this dude is REALLY bad. Like, nightmarishly bad. No excuse for the Cubs to not clobber his dong into oblivion with their dongs.****

 

***UPDATE*** After this was posted, the awesomely named MAX FRIED was named the Braves starter after Long Neck Dong was put on the DL with some kind of non-neck-related strain *****

 

How the hell have the game threads already cycled back to me on MAY horsefeathering 17TH?!? Yikes.

 

Well, I don't want to go with another gif theme, since the Cubs are just slaying classic TV shows left and right. So, hey, do what you feel, people.

 

 

The Cubs are relying on Lester tonight, who seems to be holding together his ancient body through willpower and rubberbands to somehow be (maybe?) the most reliable starting pitcher the Cubs have right now (don'tlookatthatFIPdon'tlookathttaFIPdon'tlookatthatFIP), which is more than a little terrifying since he's on the same staff as Quintana and Darvish. And also since he's, like, 58. And looks like a gigantic angry baby.

 

The Braves are going with Frank Sobotka; I mean Nick Sobotka; I mean Ziggy Zobotka; I MEAN...Mike Soroka. The internet tells me that this Soroka fella has been a reasonably well-regarded prospect for a couple years, so that's worrisome. The internet also tells me he looks like this:

 

http://www.milb.com/images/647336/t432/180x270/647336.jpg

http://mlb.mlb.com/mlb/images/players/head_shot/647336.jpg

http://www.capitolaveclub.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/19083156623_601a62cbbd_k_4j87sdp3_urvp7r89.jpg

 

[expletive], LOOK AT THAT horsefeathering NECK. The Braves are sending Nessie out there. MLB allows a horsefeathering LAKE MONSTER to take the mound, yet gets all fascist on Zobrist's cleats and Willson's Venezuelan pride sleeve? THIS IS SOME NONSENSE. Protest this outrage with some RD-crunching (Coomer-style) dongs, Cubs.

Edited May 18, 2018 by Sammy Sofa

[Banedon]

http://i.imgur.com/8Au3s.gif

[Sammy Sofa]

[jersey cubs fan]

Glennon is a pitcher now?

 

[tweet]

[/tweet]

[UMFan83]

My gif theme is going to be 2016 Playoff Highlights. Need to post them one last time since apparently we're supposed to let it go now. Here's one from all 11 games the Cubs won:

 

NLDS:

 

http://mlb.mlb.com/images/1/2/4/205402124/100716_sfgchc_baezHR_med_9vc0ih98.gif

http://mlb.mlb.com/images/1/7/4/205469174/100816_chc_hendricks_rbi_med_rut1867t.gif

 

 

NLCS:

 

http://mlb.mlb.com/images/7/5/8/206759758/102016_russellhr_med_0fbib9w4.gif

 

 

World Series:

 

http://mlb.mlb.com/images/5/2/2/207152522/102516_chccle_schwarber2B_med_q3v5t1pd.gif

 

[Derwood]

[Old Style]

http://chicagocubsonline.com/wp-content/uploads/CubsTryNotToSuck.jpg

[Sammy Sofa]

Preview of the Cubs pleading when NECKBOY is pulled early because of the dongening:

 

[Andy]

World Series:

 

http://mlb.mlb.com/images/5/2/2/207152522/102516_chccle_schwarber2B_med_q3v5t1pd.gif

Nit: The first highlight is from Game 1, which we lost. That was the only game of the series in which we wore gray.

[UMFan83]

World Series:

 

http://mlb.mlb.com/images/5/2/2/207152522/102516_chccle_schwarber2B_med_q3v5t1pd.gif

Nit: The first highlight is from Game 1, which we lost. That was the only game of the series in which we wore gray.

 

[expletive] youre right, and I even thought that when I was looking for a gif but then somehow forgot when i selected the final gif. For shame

[Sammy Sofa]

http://wiki.starwarsminute.com/images/archive/b/bb/20161210035215%21Yarael_Poof.gif

[Banedon]

[Sammy Sofa]

Holy horsefeathers, "MAX FRIED?!?" What an amazing name. Dude belong in the Food Monstrosities thread by default. Max also has a gigantic neck, too. Is this the new market inefficiency?

 

http://www2.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Max+Fried+Atlanta+Braves+Photo+Day+HCbvU_RMMy0l.jpg

[David]

i remember the cubs kicking the tires on him in whatever draft that was (i think the 2012 almora draft)

[Banedon]

Glad we can stick with the long neck theme.

[Brian]

I thought we'd faced him before, his first start was against the Cubs last September, 5.0IP, 4H, 1ER, 3BB, 4K, the 1 run a Happ dong

[Sammy Sofa]

This dude LOVES dongs, in that he LOVES giving them up as much as he loves stretching out shirt collars.

[Derwood]

[Ding Dong Johnson]

cubs suck who cares

[Sammy Sofa]

cubs suck who cares

 

[CaliforniaRaisin]

i remember the cubs kicking the tires on him in whatever draft that was (i think the 2012 almora draft)

 

Yep. He went to the Padres the pick after Almora.

 

He and Giolito were HS teammates and both expected to go in the top 10 before Giolito blew his arm out. They were also HS teammates with current Cardinal Jack Flaherty.

 

Doubt you cared about all that but whatever.

[The_Achiever]

Fully expecting the clorbs to get dominated by this nerd.

[PackLandVA]

Merton Hanks says hello.

[sweetpeteman]

[treebird]

i remember the cubs kicking the tires on him in whatever draft that was (i think the 2012 almora draft)

 

Yep. He went to the Padres the pick after Almora.

 

He and Giolito were HS teammates and both expected to go in the top 10 before Giolito blew his arm out. They were also HS teammates with current Cardinal Jack Flaherty.

 

Doubt you cared about all that but whatever.

 

you’re right! i don’t care