ITT: Make Up Blatantly False Trade Rumors/Transactions

[Outshined_One]

In honor of our dear, departed comrade m4d, I thought I'd start this thread to mirror the importance of his contribution to this forum. :D

 

Anything that goes in here can range from vaguely realistic to completely out of this world. Heck, it doesn't even have to be baseball-related. Try to make them look like they came from actual sources, though. ;)

 

Let the fun and games begin...mwahahaha!

[peoriachiefs]

um i don't know why everyone was laughing chuck norris will be a cub by tomorrow, wendel kim told me, btw he still is the super secret back up, 3rd base coach

[Transmogrified Tiger]

The Cubs will sign Neifi Perez to a 2 year contract worth millions of dollars.

[peoriachiefs]

The Cubs will sign Neifi Perez to a 2 year contract worth millions of dollars.

 

 

hahahahahahaha yea right :(

[Outshined_One]

um i don't know why everyone was laughing chuck norris will be a cub by tomorrow, wendel kim told me, btw he still is the super secret back up, 3rd base coach

 

Chuck Norris wouldn't need to catch the ball. The thread of him delivering a roundhouse kick to the ball would be enough to cause the ball to land in Chuck Norris' glove by its own choice each time a hitter makes contact with the ball.

 

Each Cubs pitcher would throw a perfect game.

 

Except Glendon Rusch. Chuck Norris really hates Glendon Rusch.

[CardsFanInChiTown]

The Cubs trade spare parts for Dunn.

 

 

The Cards trade spare parts for Abreu.

[Transmogrified Tiger]

Please, take away Carpenter and his horrifying blank stare.

[Outshined_One]

The Cubs trade spare parts for Dunn.

 

 

The Cards trade spare parts for Abreu.

 

Pft. Dunn's not worth screws, sprockets, metal rods, nails, and sheet metal!

[peoriachiefs]

[

Except Glendon Rusch. Chuck Norris really hates Glendon Rusch.

 

haha sounds like me and Mr. Chuck Norris have something else in common, i mean asside from being the only 2 people in the world able to deliver a roundhouse kick so powerful that it could go directly through a steel rod

[Andy]

The Cubs trade Dusty Baker and prospects for Dave Wannstedt.

 

The Cubs win 40 games in 2006 under Wanny.

[peoriachiefs]

sorry i messed up that quote

[CardsFanInChiTown]

Please, take away Carpenter and his horrifying blank stare.

 

Done - this will be my temp Avatar.

[peoriachiefs]

The Cubs trade Dusty Baker and prospects for Dave Wannstedt.

 

The Cubs win 40 games in 2006 under Wanny.

 

do u think it would be possible to trade for DITKA, well either him or cade mcnown

[Sarcastic]

The Cubs will sign Neifi Perez to a 2 year contract worth millions of dollars.

 

Hey, this is a truth-free zone! :evil:

[CardsFanInChiTown]

The Cubs trade spare parts for Dunn.

 

 

The Cards trade spare parts for Abreu.

 

Pft. Dunn's not worth screws, sprockets, metal rods, nails, and sheet metal!

 

 

Your right, the guy strikes out too much.

[peoriachiefs]

well its past my bed time but it was a pretty funny night, im out

[Outshined_One]

From Rotoworld:

 

Billy Martin - Deceased - Yankees?

A bizarre rumor has come out of NYC this evening. According to sources, the grave of Billy Martin, former Yankees manager, was been excavated at around midnight EST Saturday night. Witnesses claim that they saw two incredibly effeminate young men in Yankees uniforms at the cemetary around that time. While one of the men came off as very personable and likable, the other one was described as, "Some one you'd want to punch in the face the moment you saw him." According to their accounts, the men quickly dug up Martin's grave, loaded his coffin into a large van, then sped off towards Yankee Stadium. When reached for comment, George Steinbrenner was quoted as saying "Life and death appeared to me ideal bounds, which I should first break through, and pour a torrent of light into our dark world," and then walked away.

Man, how ignorant art thou in thy pride of wisdom!

Dec. 5 - 12:48 am et

Source: New Jersey Star-Ledger

[NorthsideAvenger]

I heard from a friend, who heard it from a friend that there was a big rumor making the rounds. The voice in the head said it would blow people's minds on how big the rumor is. When questioned about the rumor from a reporter, the voice said, "I can't speculate on the rumor, but suffice to say...the rumor is pretty juicy." When pressed about the rumor, the person "the voice" belongs to say....(blows raspberry). By right now...the rumor is just a rumor, until it is started fact. Will bring you more info on this rumor as we get. This is Sarah Gossip, sending it back to you...Joe Speculation, and Janet Story.

 

 

The rumor now stated as fact is...Dusty Baker promised to lead by exam.......promised to be a manager, and not the best friend to every ballplayer.

[LeftCoastCubFan]

The Score is reporting that the Cubs are going to announce during the winter meetings the resigning/reacquisition of Estes, Clement, Alfonseca, Remlinger, Borowsski, Bako, Miller, Choi, Simon, Karos, Grudz, Gonzalez, Sosa, and Alou. This was expected as the Cubs marketing department’s prior announcement that last years “Wait till next year” campaign is being replace with “If first you don’t succeed; try, try again”.

 

In related news, Wendall Kim has been retained to return as third base coach. Dusty baker said “Our lack of scoring last year was due to players in scoring position being clogged. This will take care of that”.

[NCCubFan]

The Cubs acquire Alex Gonzalez to play shortstop as part of the Juan Pierre trade with Florida. The same day they sign free agent former Cub Alex S. Gonzalez to play 2B. In a related move, Tim starts an NSBB contest to predict the number of times the Cubs get charged with an out for using an improper batting order because Dusty confuses the two Alex Gonzalezes. The prize is an autographed card of each Alex Gonzalez donated by DJAXXFAN.

[Tehmpus]

Have you heard about this almost completed deal?

 

The Cubs send Boston Corey Patterson, Todd Wellemeyer, and a player to be named for Manny Ramirez and an unknown quantity of cash.

 

In a related rumour, Jose Macias was recently traded to the Florida Marlins for a six-pack and a bucket of balls.

[ManCrushOnNomar]

I didn't want to make a real thread on it, but ESPN mentioned in passing during a Sportscenter update that the Mets were expected to sign Grudz some time this week. Not sure if it was speculation or if it came from a source, it was just that sentance.

[fearthecubs]

Please, take away Carpenter and his horrifying blank stare.

 

Done - this will be my temp Avatar.

 

I give the green light for you changing it to a pic of Busch Stadium imploding.

[vance_the_cubs_fan]

My source at Hooters just reported that Hendry was there with Coletti. Both became really drunk and in a state of stupor, Jim traded Dusty, Patterson, and three cases of old style along with the outfield ivy to the Dodgers for J.D. Drew, Milton Bradley, and three cases of Dodger dogs. I think we also go the some coupons for 20% off a Dominos pizza and the Dodgers got a Hooters t-shirt.

 

I'm trying to get Rubby to come along and confirm. Charley Steiner already has confirmed via IM.

[Jehrico]

Hendry decides that just being able to catch a ball isn't good enough. He contacts the agent for Ralph Macchio, signs him to a 4 year, 60 mil contract. Hey, he can catch a fly with chopsticks, surely he can catch a ball better than anyone else!