Cubs (Chatwood the Walk Machine) @ Cardinals (Weaver the Molester Stache) - 1:15 PM CT - ABC 7

[Agony and Ivy]

Chatwood and his 20% walk rate that somehow equals a 2.83 ERA this year going up against the Cardinals and their middle aged breakout superstars will probably not go well.

 

Vegas has the Cubs as underdogs for the first time in awhile but only at +110. The over/under for this game is 8.5 and I'd safely take the under as all of our power is gone and Rizzo is now bad.

 

Beat these losers you stupid idiots because I hate watching you play right now and I'd like to enjoy watching you play again sometime this summer.

[Sammy Sofa]

[itisallpartoftheplan]

My daughter has just started counting things. Usually she stops at 3, thanks Cubs for stunting her growth by maxing out at 3 runs.

[itisallpartoftheplan]

 

Russell slides in for Almora. Heyward in Cf Zobrist in Rf

[Jaxbro]

Win turds

 

But alas they are not playing the Brewers

[CubmanPi]

Jedd Gyorko, Tommy Pham, Paul DeJong, Yadier Molina ... Typing these names out gives me an instant blood pressure spike. Stoopid Cubs need to humiliate the eff outta these fools.

[UMFan83]

If the Cubs only played teams other than the Brewers all season they would be on pace for a 69-93 record

[Cubswin11]

Win you stupid horsefeathering bum jerks

[CyHawk_Cub]

Russell batting in the middle of the lineup is weird. Whatever. Likely doesn't matter.

[Derwood]

Record since swear filter was turned back on: 0-2

[PackLandVA]

If the Cardinals don't score today, the Cubs might win.

[Agony and Ivy]

[expletive] there are only 15 minutes until first pitch. I need to find something to do.

[Agony and Ivy]

Baseball is the dumbest horsefeathering sport on earth

[Bryants Disco Ball]

Albert would have full out dove on that.

[Bryants Disco Ball]

Rizzo is the key. Let's get it going, buddy.

[Agony and Ivy]

Rizzo is basically Heyward now. Bryce Harper isn't going to want to play with these ninnies.

[Bryants Disco Ball]

Well, this game is over. (Sorry, just practicing for when the Cardinals score a run.)

[Agony and Ivy]

Willson is terrible.

[Transmogrified Tiger]

That’s it, I’m calling him Chorewood until he gets his walk rate under 15%

[TMan92]

The off-season pitching signings have really been fantastic.

[Ding Dong Johnson]

worst player in cobs hersory: chatwood or rizzo?

[Andy]

The off-season pitching signings have really been fantastic.

At least Cishek is good

[gobigred]

Anyone else having poor audio quality with the Cubs feed. Sounds like they are in a closet

[Ding Dong Johnson]

that’s your staff ace right there

[Bryants Disco Ball]

Chatwood is going to throw a no-hitter this year. It might be a 135-pitch one, but it's going to happen.