10/19 Cubs (Dickbag McHorseteeth) vs Dodgers (Urias) 7 p.m., FS1

[philosophizer75]

AHAHAHAHA ding dong that was perfect.

[badger]

I've never seen it before, it's awesome.

[Clem Fandango]

This isn't my game thread, but we need some fun.

 

Well guys, here are are. Down 2 games to 1 in the NLCS against the horsefeathering Dodgers. I hate the Dodgers. You do, too. With their smug sense of superiority and their Clayton Kershaw, those bastards. Do they not realize the Cubs were the best team in baseball this year by a wide margin?

 

I know we're all feeling down and out after two consecutive shutouts, but that's what happens when you face two of the better pitchers in the game. It's hard to get hits and score runs off good pitcher. The Dodgers found that out in our first loss against Kyle Hendricks. Sure, Adroam Gpmza;ez hit a solo home run, but that's ALL THEY GOT. It was a lucky homer that barely made it out. Aside from that one luck dong the Cubs were their equal in that game.

 

LAST NIGHT AGAINST RICH HILL WAS THE ONLY GAME WHERE THEY LOOKED OUTMATCHED. Literally every other game this postseason has either been the Cubs going punch for punch with their opponent or substantially outplaying their opponent. We're acting like it's the end of the world. They've had one bad game this entire postseason, and the one thing they've done more often than not is show the ability to fight back and win. This is not the same Cubs team from years past. This team is different. This team is special.

 

The Cubs will be sending up Dickbag McHorseteeth, John Lackey. He collected 11 teeth this year in the regular season, but he has 8 razor-sharp alien teeth hiding on the roof of his mouth that he has collected from winning in the postseason. He wants that 9th razor-sharp alien tooth. Here's a photo of what John Lackey's wet dreams look like:

 

http://i.imgur.com/KM7WyZH.png

 

Here's what McHorseteeth's playoff numbers look like:

 

                                                                          
Year                W L  ERA  G GS    IP BB  SO  WHIP  H9 HR9 BB9 SO9 SO/W
9 Yrs (16 Series)   8 5 3.22 24 21 131.1 41 103 1.249 8.4 0.3 2.8 7.1 2.51

 

He'll be going up against Julio Urias, who I had planned on making an eye joke about, but realized it's from a benign eye tumor he had removed as a child. Glad you got it fixed Julio. Julio looks like this:

 

http://mlb.mlb.com/mlb/images/players/head_shot/628711.jpg

 

The tumor surgery can't explain that stupid, mouthbreathing smile though. Knock that off, Julio. Here's what Julio's postseason starter numbers look like:

 

http://i.imgur.com/XZ5csUf.jpg

 

He's never started a game in the postseason. Is he a pitching phenom? Sure. Is he maybe the best young and upcoming pitcher in the game? Sure. Has he thrown more than 5 innings in a game in the last month? No.

 

The Cubs crushed him in their first taste of him, so it's very possible they can do it again.

 

"Oh, but Logan, he dominated the Cubs the 2nd time he faced them!"

 

STFU. He gave up one ER and struck out 8 over 6 innings. That's a good statline. He also gave up 6 hits and walked 2 batters. The Cubs just couldn't capitalize on their opportunities in that ballgame. It happens. Also, they only lost that game 3-2, it wasn't a blowout.

 

Urias is not going to throw a lot of innings, they've been babying him for a month now. Will he be good? Possibly. Will he shut us down? Possibly? But will we be good? Possibly. Will we knock him around? Possibly. It's the playoffs, anything can happen. You don't need to be a dick about it. Try and show a little positivity for once.

 

I was miserable last night, but all I needed was a day to recharge my batteries. This team is special. Yeah, some of our guys are in a funk, it happens, but the Cubs have not played bad baseball this postseason. Last night was the exception, not the rule. It has not been the trend, and it will not continue, you know why? Because the Cubs are horsefeathering awesome.

 

Keep winning, Cubs.

[Thrilho]

The Logan: Making Baseball Fun Again!!

[badger]

I already feel better, thanks Logan.

[Smack]

I need a slump buster beer to drink tonight, any suggestions?

[CaliforniaRaisin]

So I have been a Cubs fan since 1984 ..Here is how my yesterday started....go to the garage there is a mouse on top of my car, try to start my car it wont turn over, call USAA they come out and it wont jump start either so it gets towed, spend half the day at a mechanic only to learn the batter was leaking acid. Just had my oil changed last Wed at the dealership you think they could have given me a heads up. Middle of the day my border collies back legs stop working. He sleeps so do the Cubs bats. Take the dog to the vet and they say he also has a heart and circulation issue. I have to put him down and I am pretty much crushed. Cubs bats are also put to sleep but I dont really care about that right now....Today CANNOT be worse than yesterday. CANNOT

 

Ugh. I'm really sorry, gobigred.

[Gmoney08]

Cubs might get rolled the next 2 games but I predict Cubs get on board early in consecutive games, getting leads to the bullpen of doom & Cubs win 3 straight to take the series 4-2..

[Gmoney08]

I need a slump buster beer to drink tonight, any suggestions?

 

A fat chick from Galways

[philosophizer75]

My favorite type of beer is usually a cold weather style called barleywine. Most microbreweries I've seen have one starting around this time of year.

 

But if you're going the typical, available from any old place kind of beer, I dunno, pick any of the myriad Oktoberfest brews available. Or leinenkuegel grapfruit shandy if that's your thing. Have to drink those when they're freezing cold though, or else they're not as good, and I prefer the summer shandy anyway.

 

 

Edit: and if you're looking for a big case of cans I have a special place in my heart for Miller High Life.

 

Yes I know my taste in beer is horsefeathering out there.

Edited October 19, 2016 by philosophizer75

[Smack]

I'm thinking about shotgunning 12-18 PBRs.

[WrigleyField 22]

I need a slump buster beer to drink tonight, any suggestions?

Vodka

[philosophizer75]

Speaking of leinenkuegel or however the hell you spell it.

 

Its a company based in wisconsin, and usually you only see their summer shandy available nationwide, and obviously just for the summer. The rest of the year you don't hear boo from them on the east coast.

 

But in camden yards in baltimore they have 3-4 different exclusive Leinenkuegel vendors. At least they did this year. I was shocked to see that midwest brand as a fixture in baltimore of all places.

[Smack]

Speaking of leinenkuegel or however the hell you spell it.

 

Its a company based in wisconsin, and usually you only see their summer shandy available nationwide, and obviously just for the summer. The rest of the year you don't hear boo from them on the east coast.

 

But in camden yards in baltimore they have 3-4 different exclusive Leinenkuegel vendors. At least they did this year. I was shocked to see that midwest brand as a fixture in baltimore of all places.

 

They're owned by SAB Miller now, so they're way more mass distributed than they were in the past.

[philosophizer75]

I myself will be going vodka until I'm out of it, then rum until I'm out of that. Then I guess we'll find out what is needed next based on the Cubs.

[WrigleyField 22]

Speaking of leinenkuegel or however the hell you spell it.

 

Its a company based in wisconsin, and usually you only see their summer shandy available nationwide, and obviously just for the summer. The rest of the year you don't hear boo from them on the east coast.

 

But in camden yards in baltimore they have 3-4 different exclusive Leinenkuegel vendors. At least they did this year. I was shocked to see that midwest brand as a fixture in baltimore of all places.

I thought they only sold Natty Bo in Baltimore

[philosophizer75]

I dunno what they did in the past, I moved to Maryland this year and went to Camden Yards 3 times. Had never been there before. They were selling heineken, leinenkuegel, and bud/bud light as far as I remember.

[Cubswin11]

I need a slump buster beer to drink tonight, any suggestions?

Vodka

What was the hideous concoction, OMC I think, was ripping shots of/mixing earlier this year? I want to say it was like sierra mist and gin, either way we all should do a shot/drink of that for solidarity.

[David]

I need a slump buster beer to drink tonight, any suggestions?

Vodka

What was the hideous concoction, OMC I think, was ripping shots of/mixing earlier this year? I want to say it was like sierra mist and gin, either way we all should do a shot/drink of that for solidarity.

 

lmaooooo i totally forgot about this

[Ding Dong Johnson]

I need a slump buster beer to drink tonight, any suggestions?

Vodka

What was the hideous concoction, OMC I think, was ripping shots of/mixing earlier this year? I want to say it was like sierra mist and gin, either way we all should do a shot/drink of that for solidarity.

sprite and paint thinner?

[Clem Fandango]

Speaking of leinenkuegel or however the hell you spell it.

 

Its a company based in wisconsin, and usually you only see their summer shandy available nationwide, and obviously just for the summer. The rest of the year you don't hear boo from them on the east coast.

 

But in camden yards in baltimore they have 3-4 different exclusive Leinenkuegel vendors. At least they did this year. I was shocked to see that midwest brand as a fixture in baltimore of all places.

 

Several years ago I got bumped on short commuter flight to first class and the guy who sat down next to me immediately asked for Leinenkugel Red, which is their Irish Red ale, I believe. I wasn't so shocked as they had an Irish Red, as they were mostly known for their "Fruity Pebbles" beer locally. I was just shocked that an airplane was offering Leinenkugel's in general, let alone one of their flavors I had never seen or heard of before. I would've expected the usual suspects: Bud, Coors, Heineken at it's most fanciest selection, but Leinenkugel? It was strange.

[ConstableRabbit]

Anyone wanna discuss that weird [expletive] Jaguar ad with Stephen Hawking?

 

it is really weird, I'm no sure what they are trying to get at with it

"We are the masters of time and space"

 

Who the horsefeathers is the other guy? I get that they're trying to make Hawking seem like some sort of super villain but wtf.

[Omar]

Cubs v. Urias

Name                PA AB  H 2B 3B HR RBI BB SO   BA  OBP   SLG   OPS SH SF IBB HBP GDP missG
Kris Bryant          6  6  2  0  0  1   1  0  0 .333 .333  .833 1.167  0  0   0   0         1
Dexter Fowler        6  5  2  0  0  0   0  1  1 .400 .500  .400  .900  0  0   0   0         0
Anthony Rizzo        6  5  2  0  0  0   1  1  1 .400 .500  .400  .900  0  0   0   0         0
Jorge Soler          6  5  2  0  0  0   0  1  2 .400 .500  .400  .900  0  0   0   0         1
Addison Russell      5  5  0  0  0  0   0  0  3 .000 .000  .000  .000  0  0   0   0         0
Javier Baez          4  4  2  0  0  1   3  0  0 .500 .500 1.250 1.750  0  0   0   0         1
Jason Heyward        3  3  2  0  0  1   1  0  0 .667 .667 1.667 2.333  0  0   0   0         0
Ben Zobrist          3  2  1  0  0  0   0  0  1 .500 .500  .500 1.000  1  0   0   0         0
Willson Contreras    2  2  1  0  0  0   0  0  0 .500 .500  .500 1.000  0  0   0   0         0
Kyle Hendricks       2  2  0  0  0  0   0  0  1 .000 .000  .000  .000  0  0   0   0         0
Miguel Montero       2  2  0  0  0  0   1  0  1 .000 .000  .000  .000  0  0   0   0         0
Total               45 41 14  0  0  3   7  3 10 .341 .386  .561  .947  1  0   0   0         3
Has not faced: Albert Almora, Chris Coghlan, Tommy La Stella and David Ross & Has not faced pitchers: Jake Arrieta, Aroldis Chapman, Carl Edwards, Justin Grimm, John Lackey, Jon Lester, Mike Montgomery, Hector Rondon, Pedro Strop and Travis Wood

 

Dodgers v. Lackey

Name               PA  AB  H 2B 3B HR RBI BB SO   BA  OBP  SLG   OPS SH SF IBB HBP GDP missG
Adrian Gonzalez    24  23  7  1  0  0   4  1  5 .304 .333 .348  .681  0  0   0   0         0
Andre Ethier       21  19  4  1  0  0   0  1  6 .211 .286 .263  .549  0  0   0   1         0
Howie Kendrick     21  21  5  0  0  0   3  0  2 .238 .238 .238  .476  0  0   0   0         1
Chase Utley        15  13  2  0  1  0   0  2  0 .154 .267 .308  .574  0  0   0   0         0
Carlos Ruiz        13  13  3  0  0  0   1  0  3 .231 .231 .231  .462  0  0   0   0         1
Yasiel Puig         6   6  1  0  1  0   0  0  3 .167 .167 .500  .667  0  0   0   0         0
Josh Reddick        5   4  0  0  0  0   0  1  2 .000 .200 .000  .200  0  0   0   0         0
Yasmani Grandal     3   2  0  0  0  0   0  1  0 .000 .333 .000  .333  0  0   0   0         0
Joc Pederson        3   2  0  0  0  0   0  1  2 .000 .333 .000  .333  0  0   0   0         0
Justin Turner       3   3  2  0  0  0   0  0  0 .667 .667 .667 1.333  0  0   0   0         0
Total             114 106 24  2  2  0   8  7 23 .226 .281 .283  .564  0  0   0   1         2
Has not faced: Austin Barnes, Charlie Culberson, Corey Seager and Andrew Toles & Has not faced pitchers: Luis Avilan, Pedro Baez, Joe Blanton, Grant Dayton, Josh Fields, Rich Hill, Kenley Jansen, Clayton Kershaw, Kenta Maeda, Ross Stripling and Julio Urias

[jersey cubs fan]

Speaking of leinenkuegel or however the hell you spell it.

 

Its a company based in wisconsin, and usually you only see their summer shandy available nationwide, and obviously just for the summer. The rest of the year you don't hear boo from them on the east coast.

 

But in camden yards in baltimore they have 3-4 different exclusive Leinenkuegel vendors. At least they did this year. I was shocked to see that midwest brand as a fixture in baltimore of all places.

 

Is this 1999? Because leinies has been a fixture on the east coast for well over a decade, all year long.

[CaliforniaRaisin]

I secured a growler of Pliny the Elder from my coworker so I'm drinking in style tonight.