"Time makes fools of us all" - The Kyle Schwarber Thread

[JudasIscariotTheBird]

I do not approve of the body shaming going on in this thread

I just want the dood to be able to fake being spry. Sue me.

[Clem Fandango]

My expectation of Kyle Schwarber hitting 40 dongs this year has changed. I now expect 75 dongs, and a furious Barry Bonds grabbing his hat and throwing it on the ground in comical anger like he just lost track of the Duke boys.

[Liam Neeson]

I was looking for Game 1 Schwarber highlights on youtube and came across this video saying the Schwarber injury was fake and all sports are scripted.

 

He was only able to make it about 5 minutes in before blaming the Jews.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIhMpsWW5Ig

[Sammy Sofa]

Man, the comments are a roiling stew of crazy, even for YT. I guess this is some kind of Freemasons theory, and apparently revolves around the number 46. Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes.

[JudasIscariotTheBird]

This is my favorite thing. By a lot. Thank you SO much!

[snoodmonger]

just started laughing when i remembered that Schwarber missed 99 percent of the season, took like 10,000 swings in a cage and then lit the Indians up in the World Series

 

It was maybe a blessing we didn't get HFA considering that got us 4 games with Kyle.

[Andy]

just started laughing when i remembered that Schwarber missed 99 percent of the season, took like 10,000 swings in a cage and then lit the Indians up in the World Series

 

It was maybe a blessing we didn't get HFA considering that got us 4 games with Kyle.

It's utterly impossible to quantify or prove, but I also think it helped mentally that Game 7 was on the road. Wrigley would've been a morgue if the Rajai Davis thing had happened there.

[Ding Dong Johnson]

Man, the comments are a roiling stew of crazy, even for YT. I guess this is some kind of Freemasons theory, and apparently revolves around the number 46. Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes.

Schwarber wears number 12 and was out 4 months. 12x4=48. but it was actually a little more than 2 months more than that and 48-2=46

 

holy. horsefeathers.

[WrigleyField 22]

I was looking for Game 1 Schwarber highlights on youtube and came across this video saying the Schwarber injury was fake and all sports are scripted.

 

He was only able to make it about 5 minutes in before blaming the Jews.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIhMpsWW5Ig

:shock:

 

I cant believe I just watched that whole thing. What a sad sad man.

[weis21]

I only made it through a few minutes. It was a mixture of anger and sadness for someone that could actually, literally believe that's reasonable.

[jumbo]

I was looking for Game 1 Schwarber highlights on youtube and came across this video saying the Schwarber injury was fake and all sports are scripted.

 

He was only able to make it about 5 minutes in before blaming the Jews.

:shock:

 

I cant believe I just watched that whole thing. What a sad sad man.

 

 

Yeah, that makes zero sense. Even if sports were in fact scripted, it's quite an assumption to think that the orchestrators of said plot would leave all these clues for this dingleberry to figure out. Just like the Bond villians explained their plan while he frees himself from restraints. Oh well, that guy is a maniac. Though I might make a bet on his next pick if the odds are right

[JudasIscariotTheBird]

I was looking for Game 1 Schwarber highlights on youtube and came across this video saying the Schwarber injury was fake and all sports are scripted.

 

He was only able to make it about 5 minutes in before blaming the Jews.

:shock:

 

I cant believe I just watched that whole thing. What a sad sad man.

 

 

Yeah, that makes zero sense. Even if sports were in fact scripted, it's quite an assumption to think that the orchestrators of said plot would leave all these clues for this dingleberry to figure out. Just like the Bond villians explained their plan while he frees himself from restraints. Oh well, that guy is a maniac. Though I might make a bet on his next pick if the odds are right

You wouldn't think it, but modern-day Nostradamus is really chalky.

[biittner77]

I only made it through a few minutes. It was a mixture of anger and sadness for someone that could actually, literally believe that's reasonable.

 

All that can't be a coincidence. Oh wait, yes it can. FTH is this English reduction system where Chicago and Chicago Cubs adds up to the same number?

[WrigleyField 22]

I only made it through a few minutes. It was a mixture of anger and sadness for someone that could actually, literally believe that's reasonable.

 

All that can't be a coincidence. Oh wait, yes it can. FTH is this English reduction system where Chicago and Chicago Cubs adds up to the same number?

One was reduction and the other ordinal? I dont know I think ordinal is just A=1, B=2, etc. But I already wasted 10 minutes of my life watching him, so certainly am not gonna try fact checking the lunatic.

 

I like that Bill Murray was so significant though. I guess Jon Cusak and Eddie Vedder came out to a totally unrelated numbers, so he had to keep looking.

[JudasIscariotTheBird]

Man, the comments are a roiling stew of crazy, even for YT. I guess this is some kind of Freemasons theory, and apparently revolves around the number 46. Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes.

Schwarber wears number 12 and was out 4 months. 12x4=48. but it was actually a little more than 2 months more than that and 48-2=46

 

holy. horsefeathers.

And take back one kadam to honor the Hebrew God whose bat this is.

[Banedon]

[David]

it's gonna be hilarious when the lineups come out on opening night and derwood posts something like "schwarber is leading off? wtf?" in the game thread.

[Derwood]

it's gonna be hilarious when the lineups come out on opening night and derwood posts something like "schwarber is leading off? wtf?" in the game thread.

 

Well now I will

[David]

instagram comments do not disappoint

 

dcombs0510Keeps him from grounding into DPs has to be the train of thought

cobb_inatorBeast!

8ties._.babi_Unless he ends the season with 0 RBI's he'll have plenty of dp opportunities.. regardless do you really want that 40HR power to go to waist having much less RBI chances? Hit em 2nd

seamustoalThat seems weird to me. Classic ordering puts a fast guy who can steal first. Also, isn't it a bit early to determine the batting order? Though who am I to doubt Joe!

[Sammy Sofa]

a fast guy who can steal first

 

This comment is so dumb, I am readily assuming that they actually typed this thinking you can steal 1B.

[David]

a fast guy who can steal first

 

This comment is so dumb, I am readily assuming that they actually typed this thinking you can steal 1B.

 

we're going to be at like 500 runs at the ASB and people are going to be clamoring for a trade for a leadoff hitter at the deadline.

[Ding Dong Johnson]

we need that Juan Pierre-type spark plug at the top

[Clem Fandango]

I don't hate Schwarber at the top, but I still think Zobrist would be better there.

[Aaron_Kennelly]

I don't hate Schwarber at the top, but I still think Zobrist would be better there.

 

Me too. Zobrist seems perfect for that spot. But, whatever... I don't really care. As long as the good guys go up as quickly as possible, I don't care too much on what order they bat.

[Cubswin11]

First, if we've learned anything from Joe it's that the lineup order is going to be fluid most of the season and nobody really has "their spot in the order" so I don't really think it's a big deal to get hung up on who hits where the first game of the year. Secondly I'm guessing the main reason to have Schwarber lead off and Zobrist hit 4th or 5th is to break up the lefties and righties so we aren't having multiple L/R bat back to back. Edited February 24, 2017 by Cubswin11