The Bryce is Right, Bitch

[minnesotacubsfan]

I never got my kiss either. THANK GOD

[Sammy Sofa]

my best post ever

 

id give shields $30m a year if he'd sign just a four year deal. Get two years out of him and suck it up and deal with the decline, it's perfect.

 

dont know why i dont have a job in the cubs FO

 

I still wanna find the insane post where I raged along the lines of, "whatever trash fire the Cubs had at 1B for the next X number of years would be infinitely worse than if they signed Adam Dunn to do the same." Pretty sure I said I could be banned if that came true. WHOOPS.

[minnesotacubsfan]

I feel stunningly naive about how we all thought it was genius to have a lineup full of cheap, young hitters donging us to WS victory after WS victory with no decline across the board instead of just saying F-YOU RICKETTS BUY ME THE WS ALREADY

 

we got had

[Brian]

This post

 

We're currently sporting a 10 deep rotation.

 

Lester

Arrieta

Hammel

Hendricks

Wood

 

Jaxon / Wada / Doubront / Turner / Straily

 

Made me figure out who had the 5th most starts for the 2015 Cubs, because I had no clue. The answer surprised me

 

 

Dan Haren with 11. Wood had 9 and Wada 7

 

 

And someone named Donn Roach apparently started a game?

[Gmoney08]

So what will end up being the closest to the baller FA signing we all assumed/wished/hoped would be the SOP for the Cubs under the current regime? Heyward? Probably not, since he took less money. Yu? Eh; last year was the start of this current trend of offseason horse horsefeathers and he got lowballed.

 

I guess it's Lester. SNORE.

 

Without the Lester signing, none of the 2015-2018 stuff happens IMO so it's far from a snore. It's the most consequential FA signing in team history

 

I'm not saying he sucked or anything; it's just boring as horsefeathers. I didn't think the peak FA signing was going to be a mumbly, shiny-faced, giant baby man. I wanted the coolness of the Fowler re-signing, except on a stage that made other teams weep and get pissed.

 

Im as annoyed as anyone over the last 6 months but Lester is about as good as a FA pitcher signing there is. Also brought us our first ring in a million years and 95 wins per year.

[Sammy Sofa]

Guys, it was obviously a good signing. It was also a boring signing. It's the kind of signing a team is SUPPOSED to make when they're in the position the Cubs were at the time. I wanted those AND the FU signings. Now especially is the time for FU signings, and we're not getting that or the Lester signing. Or Yu or Heyward or Darvish or Fowler, or even Donkey Teeth.

[Sammy Sofa]

Oh, horsefeathers.

 

I think the most baller signing they actually had was horsefeathering Joe.

 

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck.

[UMFan83]

Oh, horsefeathers.

 

I think the most baller signing they actually had was horsefeathering Joe.

 

fullback.

 

That or Heyward. If you ignore how Heyward has preformed, at the time it was a total “we don’t need this $184m player but horsefeathers it I want him” move.

[Sammy Sofa]

Oh, horsefeathers.

 

I think the most baller signing they actually had was horsefeathering Joe.

 

fullback.

 

That or Heyward. If you ignore how Heyward has preformed, at the time it was a total “we don’t need this $184m player but horsefeathers it I want him” move.

 

Plus the direct shot at the Cardinals (and how he supposedly took less money than...the Giants were offering, I think?).

[Cubswin11]

I have no doubt in my mind Sofa would be complaining about some aspect of a Machado or Harper signing by next year at this time.

[Cubswin11]

Oh, horsefeathers.

 

I think the most baller signing they actually had was horsefeathering Joe.

 

fullback.

 

That or Heyward. If you ignore how Heyward has preformed, at the time it was a total “we don’t need this $184m player but horsefeathers it I want him” move.

 

Plus the direct shot at the Cardinals (and how he supposedly took less money than...the Giants were offering, I think?).

Think you’re right, he took less (allegedly) than both the Cardinals and Giants offered to come here and it was primarily those 2 and a third or 4th team. Maybe the Rangers or Padres?

[Sammy Sofa]

Well, yeah; I'm obviously going to be complaining when they end up getting signed by teams other than the Cubs.

[imb]

i love a good bitch fest as much as anyone but you realize that these have been the biggest FA signings since 2015? like there hasn't been an FU free agent yet. Not that it excuses us from not going after harper and machado but we've gotten two of the biggest signings of the last three offseasons. I'd even argue that Darvish was an FU signing.

 

heyward

price

greinke

cespedes

Edwin Encarnacion

Justin Turner

Darvish

JD martinez

Lorenzo Cain????

[Sammy Sofa]

Man, nothing from last offseason onwards counts as an FU signing. Baseball = bad.

[Tim]

I'm still dreaming of a lineup of:

 

2B Zobrist

RF Harper

3B Bryant

1B Rizzo

C Contreras (assuming he hits again)

LF Schwarber

SS Baez

CF Heyward

 

Good lord - what a wrecking machine. C'mon Theo, just steal the damn checkbook and ask for forgiveness after the world series.

[Hairyducked Idiot]

Maybe none of our moves have been baller. Maybe we never were ballers. We were just nerds who did things boring and efficient.

[Sammy Sofa]

Also:

 

[Hairyducked Idiot]

Also:

 

 

same, fam

[Hairyducked Idiot]

There have actually only been two legitimately baller moments in the entire Epstein era. And one of them from a player he didn't even acquire.

 

1) Javy's walk-off, knee-drop HR in AA

 

2) Schwarber personally ending the Pirates franchise's entire flirtation with relevance.

 

Everything else has been a range from lame to p cool, but not baller. I will accept no debate or suggestions.

[Splendid Splinter]

There have actually only been two legitimately baller moments in the entire Epstein era. And one of them from a player he didn't even acquire.

 

1) Javy's walk-off, knee-drop HR in AA

 

2) Schwarber personally ending the Pirates franchise's entire flirtation with relevance.

 

Everything else has been a range from lame to p cool, but not baller. I will accept no debate or suggestions.

 

 

[Hairyducked Idiot]

There have actually only been two legitimately baller moments in the entire Epstein era. And one of them from a player he didn't even acquire.

 

1) Javy's walk-off, knee-drop HR in AA

 

2) Schwarber personally ending the Pirates franchise's entire flirtation with relevance.

 

Everything else has been a range from lame to p cool, but not baller. I will accept no debate or suggestions.

 

 

 

Ruling: Bad-ass, but not baller

[Brian]

http://www.mlb.com/images/1/9/6/223554196/041017_rizzo_trophy_med_747r3usb.gif

 

baller

 

 

baller

 

http://mlb.mlb.com/images/1/7/4/290146174/081318_chc_bote_bat_flip.gif

 

baller

 

 

baller (if only I could find a gif)

 

http://mlb.mlb.com/images/1/1/6/154439116/101315_nlds_schwarber_homerun_statcast_medres_bq4qks7r.gif

 

baller

[Hairyducked Idiot]

In order:

 

 

Anthony Rizzo is the least baller-capable star we have on the team. Being baller requires a minimum face to head ratio that he can never hope to see.

 

Theo was just trying to cover his bald spot with the trophy.

 

Bote didn't even flip the bat, he just kinda dropped it

 

I don't remember what Strop is doing there so it can't be that baller if I don't remember it

 

Not as good as his home run in Pittsburgh

[Brian]

oh and this is undeniable

 

[Hairyducked Idiot]

oh and this is undeniable

 

 

OK, I'll give you that one. That's no. 3.