8/23 Cubs (Jake) v. Padres (Friedrich), 9:10, CSN

[OleMissCub]

http://i.imgur.com/VzlDhIc.jpg

 

VS

 

http://pengosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/sox_headshot_076sm.jpg

[UMFan83]

God mode plz

[Omar]

Padres v. Arrieta

Name                    PA AB H 2B 3B HR RBI BB SO   BA  OBP  SLG  OPS SH SF IBB HBP GDP missG
Alexei Ramirez          16 16 6  1  0  0   2  0  2 .375 .375 .438 .813  0  0   0   0         0
Christian Bethancourt    3  3 0  0  0  0   0  0  1 .000 .000 .000 .000  0  0   0   0         0
Edwin Jackson            2  2 0  0  0  0   0  0  2 .000 .000 .000 .000  0  0   0   0         0
Luis Sardinas            1  1 0  0  0  0   0  0  1 .000 .000 .000 .000  0  0   0   0         0
Total                   22 22 6  1  0  0   2  0  6 .273 .273 .318 .591  0  0   0   0         0
Has not faced: Alex Dickerson, Travis Jankowski, Patrick Kivlehan, Wil Myers, Derek Norris, Adam Rosales, Ryan Schimpf, Yangervis Solarte and Brett Wallace & Has not faced pitchers: Paul Clemens, Jarred Cosart, Jose Dominguez, Christian Friedrich, Brad Hand, Keith Hessler, Brandon Maurer, Brandon Morrow, Luis Perdomo, Kevin Quackenbush, Clayton Richard and Carlos Villanueva

 

Cubs v. Friedrich

Name             PA AB H 2B 3B HR RBI BB SO    BA   OBP   SLG   OPS SH SF IBB HBP GDP missG
Dexter Fowler     2  2 0  0  0  0   0  0  0  .000  .000  .000  .000  0  0   0   0         0
Jason Heyward     2  2 1  0  0  0   0  0  0  .500  .500  .500 1.000  0  0   0   0         0
Miguel Montero    2  2 0  0  0  0   0  0  2  .000  .000  .000  .000  0  0   0   0         0
Anthony Rizzo     2  2 0  0  0  0   1  0  1  .000  .000  .000  .000  0  0   0   0         0
Ben Zobrist       2  2 1  0  0  0   0  0  1  .500  .500  .500 1.000  0  0   0   0         0
Kris Bryant       1  1 0  0  0  0   0  0  0  .000  .000  .000  .000  0  0   0   0         0
Jorge Soler       1  1 1  0  0  0   1  0  0 1.000 1.000 1.000 2.000  0  0   0   0         0
Matt Szczur       1  1 1  1  0  0   0  0  0 1.000 1.000 2.000 3.000  0  0   0   0         0
Total            13 13 4  1  0  0   2  0  4  .308  .308  .385  .692  0  0   0   0         0
Has not faced: Javier Baez, Willson Contreras, David Ross and Addison Russell & Has not faced pitchers: Jake Arrieta, Trevor Cahill, Aroldis Chapman, Carl Edwards, Justin Grimm, Jason Hammel, Kyle Hendricks, Jon Lester, Mike Montgomery, Spencer Patton, Felix Pena, Travis Wood and Rob Zastryzny

[Sammy Sofa]

I hope Jake doesn't pitch as shitty as that Photoshop job.

[Banedon]

I hope Jake doesn't pitch as [expletive] as that Photoshop job.

 

http://gfycat.com/CreativeShadyHart

[OleMissCub]

I hope Jake doesn't pitch as [expletive] as that Photoshop job.

 

I didn't make it. If I had, you'd think it was an actual photo of Jake in a Union Army uniform. :good:

[Sammy Sofa]

I hope Jake doesn't pitch as [expletive] as that Photoshop job.

 

I didn't make it. If I had, you'd think it was an actual photo of Jake in a Union Army uniform. :good:

 

I figured it would be a shirtless Stonewall Jake-son giving Grant a Stone Cold Stunner.

[wvcbxl]

I'll probably catch the end of this game during breakfast.

[OleMissCub]

I hope Jake doesn't pitch as [expletive] as that Photoshop job.

 

I didn't make it. If I had, you'd think it was an actual photo of Jake in a Union Army uniform. :good:

 

I figured it would be a shirtless Stonewall Jake-son giving Grant a Stone Cold Stunner.

 

Fortunately for Grant, he never had the displeasure of having to fight against Jackson.

 

Hmmm, a Civil War general Royal Rumble. Little twerps like Sheridan and McClellan are thrown over the ropes rather quickly. At 300+ pounds, Winfield Scott is the Yokozuna of the bunch and requires multiple men to throw him over. Custer is the Ric Flair of the crew. He chest slaps JEB Stuart, screams wooooo, and then throws him over the rope. Yankee George Thomas is the biggest man left at around 6'3, but he is dispatched when two six-footers, Longstreet and Stonewall Jackson, double up on him and lift him over the rope. While Lee distracts the ref, Longstreet swings a chair at Grant, but misses and hits Jackson. Dazed and wobbling, Jackson is clotheslined by Grant, sending him over. Custer jumps on Longstreet's back, but Longstreet is able to hold onto Custer as he falls over the rope and carries Custer out of the ring along with him. Meanwhile, Bobby Lee has Grant in the camel-clutch, choking the life out of him, when suddenly....

 

"Mah god, King! That's Hail to the Chief! That's Lincoln's music!!"

 

The President himself, the undefeated wrestler and member of the Wrestling Hall of Fame, comes running down the aisle and slides into the ring and drop kicks Lee off Grant. Together, Lincoln and Grant lift the Gray Fox over their heads and pitch him out of the ring. But alas, the match is not over, it's a Royal Rumble and only one man can be left standing. As the two colleagues circle each other slowly, a crazed fan throws a beer can into the ring striking Lincoln in the back of the head, knocking him out. In a feat that rivals Hogan bodyslamming Andre the Giant, 5'8 Grant musters every ounce of strength he has and lifts the enormous Lincoln over the ropes. Fin.

 

Oh, and FWIW, the roided up Stonewall Jackson monument at Manassas has nothing on Jake.

 

 

http://photohome.com/pictures/virginia-pictures/manassas/gen-stonewall-jackson-1a.jpg

 

[Derwood]

Look what you started

[Sammy Sofa]

Oh, what the horsefeathers.

[Banedon]

http://gfycat.com/BoringBaggyCentipede

[davell]

I've often dreamed of a Royal Rumble with kids toys, where Mr. Potato Head turns on the Ken Doll and wins his WM title match against a Cabbage Patch Kid.

[Omar]

its not wrestling unless somebody is being beaten like a gubberment muuule

[OleMissCub]

Oh, what the [expletive].

 

You only have yourself to blame

[Sammy Sofa]

I blame the South.

[Ding Dong Johnson]

http://awesomegifs.com/wp-content/uploads/clint-eastwood-staring.gif

[BigSlick]

I'm not reading all of that, but you should just reserve a good Jake as Sherman for match ups against the Braves

[David]

v happy willson is catching jake again

 

[Omar]

[squally1313]

I pitched against this dork in high school and he beat me 6-0. Payback please, Jake.

[UMFan83]

I pitched against this dork in high school and he beat me 6-0. Payback please, Jake.

 

Did you hit against him too?

[squally1313]

I pitched against this dork in high school and he beat me 6-0. Payback please, Jake.

 

Did you hit against him too?

 

Absolutely not, I was an awful hitter (and really only a slightly better pitcher). Anecdotally, I heard he was the second best guy we went up against, after this guy: http://www.baseball-reference.com/register/player.cgi?id=denneh001tim

[philosophizer75]

That is one sexy lineup.

[BigSlick]

alright, serve me up another one, Babe Russell