Sammy Sofa

Holy horsefeathers, Theo using Clark Luca Brasi-style is now my favorite thing.

So between this and the gorilla suit...Theo Epstein: Secret Furry?

lol, I mean...screw Berkman, but that was a crazy storm that night....Tornado sirens, etc... Ooooooh, tornado sirens in the Midwest, that NEVER happens. horsefeathers, he played for and is FROM Texas; I think the state national anthem is tornado sirens. He's a swollen-faced goober.

No. We obviously don't even need him. But mainly, it depletes the ridiculous depth we have and makes injuries much harder for us to handle. I love Trout, but we are better off standing pat on our depth, as far as I'm concerned. Clearly he was serious.

Sounds like crazy heroin talk.

Just when I think that maybe I had embraced full meatballdom last night when things were at their most bleak, I read that and realize I had a lonnnnnnnnnnnng way to go.

I really like how people are making a big deal out of the pep talk he gave the rest of the team and then he....goes and has probably the worst at bat he's had all season. I guess it worked for the other guys! Maybe he's a magical talisman and he gave the Cubs good juju all season, but well, whatever. Tough season for the guy, he made more than a few great plays in the World Series to rob hits, he deserves the ring for never hanging his head at any moment. Yeah, hopefully that was just an especially bad capper moment to an unfortunate offensive season for him. I mean, I get it; he's stupidly vulnerable to fastballs and there's a fastball pitcher on the mound, so he's just dead set on making contact with the fastball he knows is coming...though even then, I'd rather he just bunt. At least he didn't hit in to a DP.

I only saw him briefly on the field afterwards, smiling and casually kissing his girlfriend(?).

ME TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Found it! Chicago Cubs Kyle Schwarber 2016 World Series Champions Player Bobblehead Pretty sure the final product will just look vaguely like Matt Clement.

Now I'm leaning back towards "he's a creepy weirdo"-territory. An awesome creepy weirdo, to be sure, but non-creepy weirdos don't have to actually convince themselves and others that they're normal people.

http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Its-Not-A-Lie-If-You-Believe-It-Seinfeld.gif

What with your dumb timezone and love of heroin.

TAKE THAT, SEATTLE.

Vogelbach is turning over in his grave.

Didn't they just extend both of them? Like, McLeod basically had an offer from the Twins and he still re-upped with the Cubs.

Wow.

"Hibernian Girl" is my favorite Michael Jackson song.

Joe Maddon for brain cramping for 36 hours Yeah, I think some of Joe's moves made sense but others were head scratchers. Joe's worst decision by far was pulling Kyle early. He should have left Kyle in to finish the 5th, then brought him out for the 6th and WAITED until there was a SERIOIUS threat. KYLE WAS FREAKING DEALING! Just imagine how that game could have gone if the horsefeathering ump would have rung Santana up in the 5th. Hendricks would have entered the 6th with a 6-1 lead after Rossy's HR and probably still would have been shutting them down. I might go so far to say Kyle could have finished that horsefeathering game on his own if given the chance. Maddon, love the guy, but he WAAAAAAYYYYY over thought the decision to bring in Lester that early. I would have rode the major league ERA leader as long as I could. Joe just seemed determined to follow some lame game plan to bridge Lester to Chapman at the first inkling of trouble. Joe could have easily waited for Lester in the 7th or eventhe 8th for that matter. If Kyle got in trouble, he could have had Monty come in and finish the inning and let Lester start off the next inning clean. Well, Hendricks did get into some real trouble and even when he settled down the Indians were still making decent contact. It's Game 7 and you're determined to not wait too long to go to an asset like Lester, but because of Hendricks' 3rd inning they had to get Lester up and pitching, and you cant just keep having a guy perpetually warming up in a slooooowwwwwww game, especially a starter you're expecting to pitch multiple innings out of the bullpen on short rest.

[tweet]https://twitter.com/H3llsH3r0/status/794042793719164928[/tweet]

So I guess that horrendous strikeout he had at the end there to not drive in another run from 3B with 1 out was just to REALLY drive home the point he was making. What a guy! Looking forward to a normal Heyward and Schwarber next season blowing away most team's FA moves.

I seriously never want to see any part of this game again besides the final out. Holy horsefeathers; I think I shaved off a good 15 years from my lifespan in the last 4 hours.

http://i.giphy.com/l2JIk0sWj9sUvbvCU.gif

Glad to hear you do not sob uncontrollably on a regular basis. Ha. Twice since I wasn't a small child. http://i.giphy.com/Ab2tLKySwKI48.gif

This seems like an accurate simulation of what my emotions will be like as victory happens: