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8/18 Tigers (Sanchez) @ Cubs (Hammel) - 7:05 PM ABC7/MLBN

DiamondMind
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I, much like Patrick Sharp, <3 Cheryl Scott
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philosophizer75 ACL Cubs

philosophizer75

Old-Timey Member
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[expletive], I just wanted to see the cubs play well today. I've been driving west from eastern Pennsylvania to Des Moines Iowa on exclusively interstate 80 all day. There shouldn't be any rain at all on the way after that system hitting Chicago at the moment. If there is any, it skipped over me.
woodchip2153 First Round Pick

woodchip2153

Old-Timey Member
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someone tell a funny story

 

There was this landscaper, who was one of the best landscapers around. He had this on particular skill that he was really proud of. He could look at any job and immediately know exactly how many bags of mulch he would need, without any leftover. One day he was working a job, and he looked at it and said yep this job will take 19 mulch bags. He did the job, and it was phenomenal. It was like the Taj Mahal of landscaping work. He wasn't happy though, because he had one bag of mulch left over. He was distraught and didn't know what to do. As he was driving down the interstate to return the bag of mulch, he decided to throw the bag of mulch out the window in disgust.

philosophizer75 ACL Cubs

philosophizer75

Old-Timey Member
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Posted
I went out to celebrate my 21st three weekends ago in atlanta Georgia with my best friend. We went to a concert at the Masquerade, a concert hall, then we hit up several bars. We were feeling great. Then we got invited by this group we had met to go to a strip club called the Pink Pony. We weren't gonna say no, so we tag along to this club. We get there and it turns out I get a free VIP dance for being the birthday boy. So I get to enjoy the enthralling company of one of their girls while my friend gets fed shot after shot of fireball at the bar. I emerge from the back rooms and find that my friend is absolutely [expletive]-hammered. I check my phone and realize it's 5:00am and we have a plane to catch at 7:30. We uber back to my aunt's where we were staying (after dragging my 6'5" 280lb friend quite a ways) and catch a very minimal amount of sleep then wake up and leave with my aunt to get to the airport. My friend tells her he has to puke, so she pulls over on the side of this 12 lane highway during the morning commute hours, and my bud projectile vomits directly into the Chattahoochee River. We wound up just catching our flight back home to Pennsylvania (his first time flying too), but now I get to tell this story to every family member of his, at his wedding, whenever I want really.
OleMissCub Cooperstown

OleMissCub

Old-Timey Member
Posted
Posted (edited)
someone tell a funny story

 

One time me and one of my brothers were driving back from an Ole Miss/LSU game and we were in the middle of nowhere and he started panicking. He had to find a toilet or he was going to crap his pants in the car. So I get off the next exit and there is nothing there, but we see a construction site with a portajohn. So he screams for me to pull over. It's pitch dark btw. So he runs in there and apparently didn't sit down (he's a germaphobe) and just blasted. Well apparently in his haste he didn't realize that the seat was down and so it blasted back all over him..and there is no TP. I get a call and he explains the situation and we figured the only way for him to not ride back the remaining three hours naked was for me to go give him my boxers. So yeah, he rode back the rest of the way in nothing but my boxers. He left the heaped remains of his soiled clothes in there. What an unpleasant surprise for some poor construction worker to find the next Monday.

Edited by OleMissCub
Gilby First Round Pick

Gilby

Verified Member
Posted
Posted
I went to the Sunday game of the Cubs-Twins series in June, and I was sitting in front of a random lady who was trying to teach her kids stuff about the game, and I could tell she thought she knew a lot about it. Then one of her kids asked her what the "K" signs they were putting up meant. She knew it meant strikeout and said as much. Then the kid asked why some were backwards, and her response was that they don't want to put up KKK, so they switch one around as to not offend anyone. She was dead serious, and I chuckled to myself.
JudasIscariotTheBird Myrtle Beach Pelicans

JudasIscariotTheBird

Old-Timey Member
Posted
Posted
someone tell a funny story

 

There was this landscaper, who was one of the best landscapers around. He had this on particular skill that he was really proud of. He could look at any job and immediately know exactly how many bags of mulch he would need, without any leftover. One day he was working a job, and he looked at it and said yep this job will take 19 mulch bags. He did the job, and it was phenomenal. It was like the Taj Mahal of landscaping work. He wasn't happy though, because he had one bag of mulch left over. He was distraught and didn't know what to do. As he was driving down the interstate to return the bag of mulch, he decided to throw the bag of mulch out the window in disgust.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IJAME21OIvk/UdskyscKyzI/AAAAAAAARZA/bGYMHcaY5k8/s1600/wtf7.gif

woodchip2153 First Round Pick

woodchip2153

Old-Timey Member
Posted
Posted
someone tell a funny story

 

There was this landscaper, who was one of the best landscapers around. He had this on particular skill that he was really proud of. He could look at any job and immediately know exactly how many bags of mulch he would need, without any leftover. One day he was working a job, and he looked at it and said yep this job will take 19 mulch bags. He did the job, and it was phenomenal. It was like the Taj Mahal of landscaping work. He wasn't happy though, because he had one bag of mulch left over. He was distraught and didn't know what to do. As he was driving down the interstate to return the bag of mulch, he decided to throw the bag of mulch out the window in disgust.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IJAME21OIvk/UdskyscKyzI/AAAAAAAARZA/bGYMHcaY5k8/s1600/wtf7.gif

 

some jokes take time.

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