Clem Fandango

Looks like Adam Conley wasn't much of an issue yesterday. Unfortunately we've got to face the de facto best pitcher in baseball today with Kershaw on the DL in Jose Fernandez. I know fWAR says Syndergaard is the 2nd best pitcher in baseball, just in front of Fernandez, but when you're projecting to be far closer to 300 K's than 200 with elite numbers everywhere else, to me you're better than the other guy. So yeah, we should probably be scared of the guy with the 13.18 K/9, but this being baseball you never know what will happen. Perhaps we will make him feel like this: http://i.imgur.com/N7XHezb.jpg He did give up 6 ER over 5.2 innings against the Braves of all teams, the only team to hit 2 home runs off of him in a single game all year long, and they only have one guy with more than 10 home runs. Stranger things have happened. Meanwhile we've got Our Lady of Perpetual Anxiety, Jason Hammel, pitching for us today. He of the notorious "2nd half Hammel" which shows up after the ASB to be a steaming pile of hot garbage after he dominates the first half. We thought he showed up early, giving up 10ER on July 1st to the Mets, but believe it or not Jason Hammel has been, dare I say it, good in the 2nd half so far. So good in fact he's been our 2nd best pitcher behind Our Lady of Perpetual Awesomeness, Kyle Hendricks (1.00 ERA since the ASB). Hammel has a 2.00 ERA since the ASB with an 18:5 K:BB ratio over 18 2nd half innings. He did say that he hopes he's fixed his 2nd half woes by eating potato chips between innings, so you know he means business now. Also, in case you missed it, that's not a joke: So there you have it. 2nd Half Hammel is now a thing of the past thanks to the curative powers of Potato Chips. And in true classy fashion, he doesn't eat that Lays horse horsefeathers. He eats Utz, like a true connoisseur of the finer things in life. http://i.imgur.com/d2RHafi.jpg Keep winning Cubs!

On it

Masterful deadline for Cashman for 2 rentals (a reliever and a DH), one they will probably re-sign this offseason, an elite late inning reliever and mediocre 4th starter. The Yankees don't really lose a whole lot while they built a fantastic farm system and position themselves to be the evil empire again during the monster 2017-2018 FA class. Very impressed. Or they're gonna use their new prospect haul to acquire 30-something veteran players and compete next year.

Dilson Herrera to the Reds instead of Nimmo. Good for him getting out from under the stupid management of the Mets letting him be blocked by the likes of Neil Walker... oh he's blocked by Brandon Phillips now? Cool.

I can just see Loria sitting in his office being furious and yelling out "That's the last time we do a trade without a damn physical!" like it's some weird old school way of doing business that he's grown tired of.

I would've rather kept Matusz

Thanks for taking this knife called life and stabbing me in the back, Brian Matusz. You. You son of a bitch you. How dare you make me look stupid by CHEERING for you. I'll see you in hell. Otherwise, SWEET BABY JESUS AND THE CHILDREN we pulled out one hell of a victory against Seattle and now we go into the month of August on a high note against the Marlins of Miami. The Marlins will be sending out Adam Conley, who supposedly looks like this: http://i.imgur.com/nq18C75.jpg Meanwhile, his stats look like this: W L ERA G GS IP BB SO HBP ERA+ FIP WHIP H9 HR9 BB9 SO9 SO/W 7 5 3.38 21 21 117.1 47 112 10 117 3.79 1.304 8.1 0.8 3.6 8.6 2.38 So he's not too bad. Could be a bit of a challenge for the Cubs. Fortunately it will be as much of a challenge for the Marlins because we have this walking pile of sex going for us: http://i.imgur.com/l2les0P.jpg?1 And his numbers look like this: W L ERA G GS CG IP BB SO ERA+ FIP WHIP H9 HR9 BB9 SO9 SO/W 9 7 2.39 20 19 1 116.2 32 103 167 3.35 1.054 7.0 0.7 2.5 7.9 3.22 I'm no mathmortician, but those are better I think. Keep winning Cubs. It's fun.

By how much would you say you think the Cubs odds of winning a world series this year improve by replacing our current catching situation with Lucroy? Serious question. Well Montero is garbage this year. Ross is fine and normal in his limited capacity. And willson has hit the skids hard and we cant be confident he'll recover before the year is over. Meanwhile Lucroy continues to be one of the most productive catchers in baseball and will probably accrue at least another 1.5 wins before his season is over. That type of player helps more than the three headed monster of mediocrity we currently have. You absolutely want the best possible player you can get at all positions if you're making a run or the series. We talked about this with schwarber at the beginning of the year when people questioned his defense. Lucroy is that guy at catcher. Its just debate fodder at this point though. I have zero expectation the cubs get lucroy, but still acquiring him and giving up willson is in the process is fine by me if it were to happen.

Matusz you son of a bitch

Lucroy suffered a broken toe early in the season that caused him to miss a little under a month and a half of play and a concussion last year which is why his play suffered. I have to imagine having to recover from a broken toe is difficult for a catcher, much less a hitter in general. Lucroy is arguably the 2nd best catcher in baseball behind Buster Posey when he's healthy. He's a great defensive backstop and a legitimate threat with the bat. I like Willson and what he can do for us in the future, but I like winning World Series Championships more than sitting around and holding out hope that Contreras even sniffs the type of production that Lucroy is putting up right now, and there is no guarantee that he will. Some are willing to forego Lucroy's history and proven track record in favor of a catching prospect who, up until last season, was a guy most of us didn't even know existed? Sorry, but I'll take Lucroy, thank you very much. I understand if not wanting Lucroy from a financial and/or player cost perspective is someone's hold up and that's perfectly acceptable, but to think Lucroy doesn't make the best team in baseball even better in multiple ways and helps them win a world series this year and next more than Contreras is just being plain biased.

Jonathan Lucroy helps us win a world series better than Willson Contreras both this year and next. I'd move Willson and not think twice about it. Also catching insurance after Lucroy leaves is where Caratini will come in handy, I'd hope.

Secretly I really want Matusz to do well because back in a 2009 keeper league that I had yet to understand the rules they had in place I stupidly traded Carl Crawford and Ryan Howard and a bunch of points to keep them for the following season for Miguel Cabrera, who I then promptly and even more stupidly traded to acquire Brian Matusz. So I really need some validation here, Brian. Also the Cubs need you, but me first.

Neither is Orioles hangout. These two get it. Get on that Matuszmobile, everybody!

That was old Matusz. This is new and improved Matusz. He's gonna poop all over these guys, literally and figuratively.

The Cubs face one of their tougher challenges since the All-Star Break against perennial all-star and Cy Young candidate King Felix Hernandez. That's the bad news. The good news is Felix hasn't been very regal this year and has a modest 3.45 ERA, but that comes with a career worst 6.9 K/9 and 3.4 BB/9 (2nd worst since 2008). Felix is not himself this year, and the Cubs can work with that. Here's a preview of Felix's start against the Cubs tomorrow http://i.imgur.com/sp90aPV.jpg?2 That's him wincing in pain from all the deep donging the Cubs will give him. Meanwhile we have our new Lord and Savior Brian Matusz, fresh off of the Orioles discarded future Cy Young pile, going for us in his first start in a Cubs uniform. For those who are familiar with Brian, they'll remember him as a wishy-washy reliever and failed starter in the Orioles organization who no doubt was probably forbidden from dancing the lambada/throwing the cutter. So they released him and to the Orioles fans biggest fears, the Cubs picked him up and immediately are dreading how he does. For those who were unaware, Matusz is a former top prospect (#5 in all of baseball in 2010) and 4th overall pick in 2008, ahead of such talent as Buster Posey and... well that's kinda it. Everyone else either didn't sign that year (Gerrit Cole) or has turned to milquetoast garbage (Cashner) While Matusz was getting stretched out in the minors, since joining the Cubs he has delivered these numbers over the course of 4 starts and 5 appearances across 3 levels (Rookie, AA, and AAA): 17.2 IP 23 K 6 BB 12.03 K/9 3.13 BB/9 .243 BABIP 2.61 FIP So he's not doing too bad, and considering the Cubs FO claimed they found a flaw in his mechanics and fixed it, and probably let him start dancing the lambada again, he's clearly going to be Jake's BF4L. Here's a photo of him in a Cubs uniform so you can get used to him dazzling us with his amazing feats of ball throwing prowess: http://mlb.mlb.com/mlb/images/players/head_shot/451085.jpg That's the only photo there is and it's clearly photoshopped, but that will change tomorrow. MATUSZ TO THE RESCUE!* *If Brian Matusz is terrible I'm sorry for getting your hopes up. Remain vigilant.

Matusz is gonna be fixed now and is gonna make Jake Arrieta look like Jake Westbrook

That one was on Montero.

Isn't Velazquez the guy who died like 15 pitches into a start against us in Philly? http://i.imgur.com/fdhHc7o.jpg

CarGo does the same thing, except it's suave as horsefeathers http://m.mlb.com/video/v953728683/atlcol-gonzalez-crushes-a-threerun-homer-to-right/?query=carlos+gonzalez

Just wanna see where the board stands cause I haven't been able to figure it out yet

That home run last night was seriously one of the best home run pimpings I've seen. No bat flip, but man that swing and reaction just oozes confidence and swagger. http://m.mlb.com/video/topic/0/v978783583/cwschc-baez-drills-a-towering-goahead-jack

Seriously WTF. The offense has been a pile of hot garbage.

Sale for Schwarber, Hendricks, Happ and Candelario.

Do people actually think Schwarber will be a better hitter than Rizzo? I don't. Better power hitter maybe, but better overall hitter? Nah. Rizzo is going nowhere. For all the talk about how much the FO loves Schwarber I guarantee you they love Rizzo more, they just don't talk about it because they don't have a reason to.

Were we the first fan base to start calling home runs "dongs" with great regularity? Cause this exists: https://www.reddit.com/r/monsterdongs/