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JeffH

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Everything posted by JeffH

  1. The pretty boy named Andy I thought it was a cinch He'd take us to the Series Instead, he gave us Lynch! First there was Riggs Then the nose-pickin' king Finally came Dusty Still no friggin' ring
  2. "I am a Cub fan!" You'll hear me proudly shout Even though I cringe Each time Pierre grounds out The leadoff man gets on And Dusty calls out "Bunt!" I pull out my hair 'Cause it's like a first down punt
  3. How I wish I could be The owner of this team That would be just The ultimate dream If I were that wealthy So filthy, filthy rich I'd hire a skipper who Understood the double-switch
  4. Murton's got a habit He really needs to break Why on the first pitch Does he always take? I hate when he does that He needs a good flogging How can we score runs When the bases he's a-clogging?
  5. Neifi was my hero I loved Macias, too Glendon is my homey Hey, Dusty - I love you! Lee is overrated Ramirez is a bum I think it's plain to see I'm really, really dumb
  6. It hurts to be a Cub fan The overwhelming shame! When I go out to sports bars I lie about my name The life that I lead Oh, man - is it hard Well, at least I can say I hate them stinkin' Cards!
  7. Lemme tell you something I think you oughta know The Cubs are the worst team In all of "The Show" That Prior guy's a shambles And Wood is broken down Well, at least we can shout "Jim Hendry is a clown!"
  8. If the Cubs hire Piniella.... Headline in the newspaper the morning after Opening Day: Zambrano throws 165 pitches; Cubs win 16-0
  9. Under what fantasy-world scenario would Andruw Jones ever - EVER! - permit himself to be traded to the woeful Chicago Cubs? 10 and 5, babydoll...
  10. In the grand tradition of Jim "Double Negative" Hendry, I offer the following: There's no aspect of this organization that isn't woeful.
  11. I would like to apologize to the board for my altogether inappropriate post earlier in this thread.
  12. The source says that the Cubs will "consider" it. I imagine that consideration will last about five minutes.
  13. The chances of the Cubs getting involved with Matsuzaka are zero.
  14. Andy offered to tender his resignation. Since Buffet Boy really wants to bring back RumDum, they "fired" The Sweater Vest Kid to throw the fan base a bone so there won't be a 100% revolt when Dusty's extension is announced tomorrow.
  15. No manager is going to want to come into such an unsettled situation. Just watch. RumDum will be brought back.
  16. Good riddance, you sweater-vest-wearing piece of human garbage.
  17. That sure is a scary list of predictions. You forgot #8 - Hendry fired for allowing #1-7. Don't be ridiculous. Why would Hendry be fired? The tickets are selling, the concession money is rolling in, Andy's getting his bonuses - all is well in Cubland!
  18. 1. Dusty Baker is re-signed to a one-year contract. 2. Henry Blanco is re-signed to a three-year, $8.5 million contract. 3. Wade Miller is re-signed to a three-year, $20 million contract. 4. Aramis Ramirez signs with the Los Angeles Angels. 5. Carlos Lee is signed to a five-year, $75 million contract. 6. Matt Murton, Scott Moore, and Donnie Veal are traded to the Texas Rangers for Hank Blalock. 7. Kerry Wood signs with the Houston Astros.
  19. The Cubs will probably give the Red Sox Murton in exchange for permission to hire Francona.
  20. I have already resigned myself to Dusty being re-signed. It's a lead pipe cinch.
  21. I would like Dusty to return to manage the Cubs for next season. I would also like someone to come over to my house and kick me in the crotch. After that, I think I will make small cuts between my toes with a utility knife and then soak my feet in rubbing alcohol.
  22. It sounds way too intricate for The Ridiculous Jim Hendry to comprehend, let alone piece together.
  23. What's most likely is that the Cubs have decided to trade Matt Murton out of simple, sweet mercy.
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