Clem Fandango

This isn't my game thread, but we need some fun. Well guys, here are are. Down 2 games to 1 in the NLCS against the horsefeathering Dodgers. I hate the Dodgers. You do, too. With their smug sense of superiority and their Clayton Kershaw, those bastards. Do they not realize the Cubs were the best team in baseball this year by a wide margin? I know we're all feeling down and out after two consecutive shutouts, but that's what happens when you face two of the better pitchers in the game. It's hard to get hits and score runs off good pitcher. The Dodgers found that out in our first loss against Kyle Hendricks. Sure, Adroam Gpmza;ez hit a solo home run, but that's ALL THEY GOT. It was a lucky homer that barely made it out. Aside from that one luck dong the Cubs were their equal in that game. LAST NIGHT AGAINST RICH HILL WAS THE ONLY GAME WHERE THEY LOOKED OUTMATCHED. Literally every other game this postseason has either been the Cubs going punch for punch with their opponent or substantially outplaying their opponent. We're acting like it's the end of the world. They've had one bad game this entire postseason, and the one thing they've done more often than not is show the ability to fight back and win. This is not the same Cubs team from years past. This team is different. This team is special. The Cubs will be sending up Dickbag McHorseteeth, John Lackey. He collected 11 teeth this year in the regular season, but he has 8 razor-sharp alien teeth hiding on the roof of his mouth that he has collected from winning in the postseason. He wants that 9th razor-sharp alien tooth. Here's a photo of what John Lackey's wet dreams look like: http://i.imgur.com/KM7WyZH.png Here's what McHorseteeth's playoff numbers look like: Year W L ERA G GS IP BB SO WHIP H9 HR9 BB9 SO9 SO/W 9 Yrs (16 Series) 8 5 3.22 24 21 131.1 41 103 1.249 8.4 0.3 2.8 7.1 2.51 He'll be going up against Julio Urias, who I had planned on making an eye joke about, but realized it's from a benign eye tumor he had removed as a child. Glad you got it fixed Julio. Julio looks like this: http://mlb.mlb.com/mlb/images/players/head_shot/628711.jpg The tumor surgery can't explain that stupid, mouthbreathing smile though. Knock that off, Julio. Here's what Julio's postseason starter numbers look like: http://i.imgur.com/XZ5csUf.jpg He's never started a game in the postseason. Is he a pitching phenom? Sure. Is he maybe the best young and upcoming pitcher in the game? Sure. Has he thrown more than 5 innings in a game in the last month? No. The Cubs crushed him in their first taste of him, so it's very possible they can do it again. "Oh, but Logan, he dominated the Cubs the 2nd time he faced them!" STFU. He gave up one ER and struck out 8 over 6 innings. That's a good statline. He also gave up 6 hits and walked 2 batters. The Cubs just couldn't capitalize on their opportunities in that ballgame. It happens. Also, they only lost that game 3-2, it wasn't a blowout. Urias is not going to throw a lot of innings, they've been babying him for a month now. Will he be good? Possibly. Will he shut us down? Possibly? But will we be good? Possibly. Will we knock him around? Possibly. It's the playoffs, anything can happen. You don't need to be a dick about it. Try and show a little positivity for once. I was miserable last night, but all I needed was a day to recharge my batteries. This team is special. Yeah, some of our guys are in a funk, it happens, but the Cubs have not played bad baseball this postseason. Last night was the exception, not the rule. It has not been the trend, and it will not continue, you know why? Because the Cubs are horsefeathering awesome. Keep winning, Cubs.

:( Sorry about your loss. Let's turn things around, Cubs.

The offense should be paraded through the streets of Chicago after this series with the shame lady from Game of Thrones behind them. Also this forum loads about as fast as it would on a 56k modem right now so i cant even wallow on my misery with others.

My first reaction to that foul ball wasn't "Damnit, we really needed that" it was "Damnit, he really needed that"

Don't feel good about Lester getting pulled. I know why, but I don't like it.

javy is unconscious

C'mon Rizz

OMFG

JAVY IS THE BEST

Atta boy J-Hey!!

That was an awful send. Thanks, LA

Bryant!!!!!!

Great inning for Lester

Made a clip of Javy from the celebration vid in my signature. Here it is in case peeps have sigs turned off http://i.imgur.com/4d8PGCq.gif

Maybe they shared them on Facebook, but I haven't seen them pop up? The have less than 100 views on their official YouTube page. 360 degree VR videos of the celebration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-H4CcBND_I https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXYnQ6kEjlI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MuvASnUBH4

That's fair but i was trying to think of the best 2B comparison. Obviously there are better offensive comparisons elsewhere on the diamond.

So Baez is probably the best defensive 2B in baseball by a laughable margin, and he may be on the cusp of putting together his enormous offensive upside? I'd prefer to keep him. Whats a good profile comparison? Prime years Brandon Phillips with defense that makes Brandon Phillips look like an amateur?

Rejected

There's still a chance my Kyle Schwarber HBK entrance still happens. Never say never.

I love these.

Wasn't able to keep up with the thread last night. What pages were the other team trolls showing up on? I'd love to see how much smack they talked only to know they went silent.

The only ballpark i know of that has a regular straight on camera is the Target Field. I was definitely one of the people who complained. "I know the Wrigley fans are accustomed to a classic camera angle, as are every single other teams fans who have been watching baseball for 30+ years, but I guess they aren't ready for a jarring new camera angle during the most important games of the season"

I just love the meatbally "They need to start driving in more runs if they ever want to win" nonsense, like they don't know that's how you win ballgames and as if it's something they can just do on command. Like they're not already trying to do that? Hitting a baseball is harder than it looks.

Also, it pains my heart to know that someone else gets to start a game thread now.

Fun fact: When your team is really good at getting on base, the byproduct of that is you're gonna leave runners on a lot more often than not