imb

Jocketty gone Yost back Thanks, guys.

I seriously was wondering that very thing before the game. It's not like with Ron Darling (who was terrible), who we know has announced baseball for years. The only time I've heard Stockton's voice has been during basketball. It was like the first time I heard Gary Thorne doing baseball, my mind couldn't wrap itself around the fact that I wasn't watching hockey.

Game one Carlos Zambrano (18-13, 3.95 ERA) vs. Brandon Webb (18-10, 3.01 ERA) . It’s 8:22 p.m., I just walked in the door and the nerves just hit me. The Cubs are in the playoffs for the first time since 2003! In 2003 I had a really good feeling about the series against the Atlanta, going so far as to guarantee a series victory to my Braves fan friend. This series I don’t feel so confident about. I think we’re the better of the two teams but I also think that we’re the Cubs and that god hates us. Offensively, we’re the better team (we scored 752 runs this year, Arizona – 712). I think our pitching staff is overall better, though their bullpen is probably the superior of the two pens. We allowed only 690 runs this season and the D’Backs gave up 732. Final total? We scored four more runs and allowed 42 less, a swing of 82 runs. Unfortunately, the god bonus that Arizona has going for them – or more accurately, we have going against us – is probably worth more than 82 total runs. Oh, and if you don’t think that god is a D’Backs fan, look at this stat. Arizona won 32 one-run games this year, most in the league. 8:35 – Ernie Johnson, Cal Ripken and Frank Thomas are commentating over highlights of the Rockies vs. Phillies game. No Kenny “The Jet” Smith or Charles Barkley? I guess Barkley wasn’t available so they grabbed another fat Aubur alum. Somehow, seeing Cal Ripken’s face in a “gone-fishing” hat just isn’t going to cut it. 8:42 – They just cut to a shot of starting Diamondbacks third baseman Mark Reynolds. Who in the hell is Mark Reynolds? I didn’t even realize that Chad Tracy was injured. A quick look at http://www.baseball-reference.com shows that he’s a rookie with 17 homeruns and 129 strikeouts in 366 at-bats this season. He’s striking out in more than one-third of his at-bats. We’re going to eat him alive, and he’s batting fifth! Maybe I’m starting to feel a little better about things. 8:56 – Here’s another clip of the Barrett/Zambrano “tussle”. Great work guys, what’s next, Bartman? Hey did you know that we’re cursed by a goat? A GOAT. Go to hell TBS. 9:01 – Are you kidding me? Dick Stockton is announcing this game? Does he even know anything about baseball? I feel like I should be making fun of Craig Sager’s suits and watching Kobe take 40 jumpers. Stockton’s partner in the booth tonight? Ron Darling, best known for his roles in Shallow Hall and The Day After Tomorrow. Oh, and that [expletive] with the Mets, too. 9:02 – Barrett vs. Zambrano reference No. 2. Is this the new Bartman video? 9:07 – First pitch to Soriano – groundout to Reynolds. I have a feeling we’ll see a lot of those tonight. Soriano might see a total of five pitches during the whole game. 9:11 – Derrek Lee strikes out, I have a feeling we’ll be seeing a few of those, too. 9:14 – Leadoff single by Chris Young. Bad feeling returning. Now he steals a base. No way we keep Arizona from scoring this inning. 9:22 – Hey, I was wrong. Byrnes grounded out and Zambrano came back to strikeout Clark after falling behind 3-0. Somehow Zambrano only threw 17 pitches in the first despite going to two three ball counts. 9:31 – Arizona’s bottom half of the lineup is seriously 5. Mark Reynolds, 6. Jeff Salazar, 7. Chris Snyder and 8. Augie Ojeda. Are you joking me? I know they’re banged up right now, but these guys are game-one starters on a 90-win team? 9:39 – Zambrano leads off the third with a first pitch double! Webb grooved one down the middle and Zambrano, one of the best hitting pitchers in baseball, laced it to opposite field. We’ve got to take advantage of this because Webb isn’t going to give us many chances to score. 9:45 – And in true Cubs fashion, Soriano, Jones and Lee all strike out. That may be the best chance we’ll have to score off Webb all night and we just effed it up. I have a feeling that we’ll lose by one and I’ll be cursing myself to sleep tonight. 9:51 – Zambrano catches Webb looking on one of the nastiest breaking pitches you’ll ever see. Webb seriously looked like he wanted to [expletive] himself. Zambrano follows that up by striking out Chris Young on four pitches. Z has his A+++ stuff tonight, he’s going to be tough to hit, especially when your 5-6-7-8 hitters are all god-awful. Good feeling returning. 9:55 – Aramis Ramirez blasts a first pitch from Webb deep into right center….for an out. Missed a homer by about ten feet. Would that have been a home run in Wrigley? I can’t tell, these domed stadiums always seem to be about 100 feet larger than normal parks to me. Every dome looks like the Polo Grounds for some reason. 9:59 – DeRosa just got beaned in the elbow. I don’t know about you, but it certainly looked intentional to me, should probably throw Webb out of the game. Hint hint hint hint hint. 10:04 – Steven Drew interrupts his busy schedule of being a freaking midget to blast what looks like a 430-foot homerun to dead center. Sure would have been nice to get Zambrano across the plate back in the third. 10:12 – Theriot grounds a one-hopper to third and my brother and I both simultaneously yell “THROW IT AWAY” and Reynolds does! Theriot advances to second base to lead off the inning. 10:13 – Zambrano belts another first pitch offering from Webb, but that midget Drew and his 44-inch vertical leaps up and makes the grab. Tying run is still on second with one out. God that would have been big. I really think that Drew is going to be the “Cub killer” in this series. 10:15 – Soriano lines out to Young and Jones grounds out to end the inning. Webb is giving us chances and we’re not taking advantage of them. I have a feeling that I’m really going to be unhappy at the end of the day. 10:28 – Derrek Lee leads off the sixth with a single, only the Cubs third hit of the night and their fifth base runner. One of these innings we’re going to make one count. Or we’re going to get shutout and I’m going to chuck my laptop out the window. 10:29 – Ramirez strikes out swinging but Lee advances to second as the ball skips away from Snyder. Third time tonight we’ve gotten a guy on second. At this point I’ll burn incense and sacrifice a goat if it meant that someone would single in a run here. 10:34 – DeRosa works a walk and Webb goes to a 3-0 count on GEOVANY SOTO (name capitalized because he deserves it). 10:36 – GEOVANY SOTO walks on four straight, bringing Arizona’s pitching coach out to the mound. Bases loaded for Ryan Theriot. 10:38 – Theriot bounces one over the third baseman’s head, driving in Lee and tying it up! Drew fielded it and I thought for sure that he would throw someone out, further cementing his status as this series’ Cub-killer, but everyone reached. Zambrano’s up now with a big chance to help himself and break this ish wide open. 10:39 – Webb takes this Zambrano at-bat seriously and strikes him out on three pitches. Oh well, game’s tied at one apiece 10:41 – I’m watching the game with my mom and she just asked me “On a scale of one-to-ten, does anyone want cookies?” I said yes, only pointing out afterwards that the question didn’t really make sense. The she said “Oh. On a scale of one-to-ten, how much money do you have?” I don’t think she understands questions. 10:44 – Zambrano wipes out Young with a series of just filthy, disgusting pitches. Outside of one bad pitch to Drew, this may be his best game of the year. As soon as I say that, Stephen F’ing Drew laces a single to left. My hatred for this guy is growing. 10:53 – Dick Stockton just said “this is a pitcher’s duel, Ron Darling, but it’s not an air-tight one.” And Darling replied “Yeah, both pitchers are giving up some runners.” Well, ignoring the fact that unless you throw a perfect game, every starter is going to give up some base runners, Zambrano has only given up five base runners in six innings and Webb has just given seven (eight if you count the time Theriot reached on an error). Good analysis guys. 10:59 – Piniella takes out Z and puts in Marmol, our best relief pitcher this year. On one hand, I like this move. Oh, wait, I actually hate it. Zambrano had only thrown 85 pitches, and this means we either A.) use Marmol for two innings or we B.) go Marmol, Howry and (gulp) Dempster. Z seemed to be cruising, why take him out? Especially in a game that looks like it has a good chance to go into extra’s. Maybe they’re trying to save his arm for a possibly game four? 11:01 – Are you crapping me? The very first batter, the same Mark Reynolds who I killed in the beginning of this diary, just bombed a home run to left field. Son of a bitch, 2-1 D’Backs. I want to throw up. 11:08 – And Augie Ojeda doubles Snyder over to third. In his entire Cub’s career, Augie Ojeda accomplished absolutely nothing, of course he would double against our best reliever. 11:09 – Conor Jackson hits a sac fly to CF, scoring Snyder from third. Shockingly, Jones actually didn’t 12-hop his throw to the plate. 3-1, DBacks. My life is over. 11:15 – In comes Brandon Lyon to pitch to Aramis Ramirez. Lyon has a .251 average against and he’s walked 40 batters in 70-some-odd innings, so it’s definitely possible to get on base against him. We better hurry it up, too, because we aren’t going to score off the rest of the Diamondback bullpen. 11:17 – Aramis flies out 650 feet to the warning track in right field for the second time tonight. Floyd follows it up by lining one 478 feet to the warning track in the right field corner. I hate this stadium and I hate the Diamondbacks. 11:28 – Howry comes in and shuts down Arizona 1-2-3, giving us a chance if we can scrape together more than one base runner this inning. 11:30 – I just showed my mom a series of pictures that compared the size of the Earth to the size of various gigantic stars. She said “Weird, and to think that we’re the greatest planet on Earth.” You sure about that, mom? 11:34 – Some guy wearing blue Under Armor and drinking a water just held up a blinking Cubs LED sign. The umps barked at him and he put it away, but upon closer inspection, he was sitting behind a computer monitor, which means he was apparently working at the game? I have no idea what was going on there and why he thought holding up that sign was a good idea. 11:35 – Valverde strikes out Theriot on some 97-mph heat, leaving game one in the very fat hands of Daryle Ward. 11:38 – Ward works a five-pitch walk. Is five-pitch walk a term? Anyway, this brings our hottest hitter, Soriano, to the plate with a chance to hit a game-tying home run. On a scale of one-to-ten, please hit a home run. 11:40 – Soriano grounds to shortstop and Arizona wins 3-1. We absolutely have to beat Doug Davis tomorrow, going to back to Chicago down 2-0 would be a killer. It sucks to blow Zambrano’s great start, but I didn’t plan on winning this game, anyway.

Miss the playoffs and get ARod. I think he would singlehandedly expand our playoff window a few years.

Are these finalized? Balsa finished 52nd. I can't remember my sign in name.

O-hee-duh

I would kill myself.

Am I the only person that gets visibly upset when the Thome clip is shown? No offense to JI JIM THOME, but the Sox were long gone at that point, and Hawk's outlandish home run call just ruins it for me. I know it won an extra-inning game or whatever, but the call and the celebration just seemed over the top.

First bigfoot and now this (just kidding OMC) seriously, not to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but I really don't buy this anymore.

It's too bad, too, since Braun's vorp is a whole 22 points higher than Tulo's.

I really don't think we get past Arizona. They just seem like a team that will give us fits.

Look at my lineup this week and then realize that Im going to win by 30 points. God I got lucky.

you just cost snood a benny. i hope youre happy

o 2004?

i wanted to see the izturis prostate rub on there

I like the idea of the 20 Geovany Soto signs. Or a Brenly themed sign would be good. "Bob likes us better".

but what did omc ever do for us? just a bunch of muslim bashing. this guy brought the greatest game ever played right to our internet doorstops.

I'm sorry for having a correct opinion that people don't want to hear. oxymoron? do you even know what that word means

so 4 CT wed 6 CT thurs not official like he said, though son of a. Screw that. What is that, like 3 am on the west coast

It would be so much more tolerable if he could hang in CF for three or four years, though.

so 4 CT wed 6 CT thurs not official like he said, though son of a.

Am I the only one that doesn't care that they're a 90 win team? Big deal. Do you really think that our team, as currently constructed, wouldnt win 90 games if we started over? We would.

WELL WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED THIS WEEK?

I love the original song and I love this one too. I'd probably love a country version, too. I don't think it matters. You could sing it in swahili and I'd buy the cd.

It certainly does help matters doesn't it? I truely don't even seemed fazed by the Texas loss. Everyone else going down might be helping too. Still, all I am thinking about is the playoffs and potential matchups. I'm so in the same boat. I was laughing about the OU loss while everyone else was losing their minds. Thanks cubs. If the Cubs play on Saturday I am not even going to be interested in the Red River. Best day of my life was the RRS in 2003. Sooners destroy Texas and the Cubs, behind Aramis Ramirez' grandslam, crush Dontrelle Willis and the Marlins. Obviously everything went downhill after that, but what a day