http://www.clickhole.com/article/oral-history-1998-major-league-baseball-home-run-c-4441 Sammy Sosa (Cubs right fielder): When I was a boy in the Dominican Republic, I was the owner of a beautiful peacock. His name was Judas Iscariot The Bird, and we were best friends. He would bring me the fossilized remains of ancient kings that he had dug up in the woods, and in return I would read to him from a menu I had stolen from an Italian restaurant. Then, one day, Judas Iscariot The Bird and I were out walking when a baseball fell from the sky and struck my beloved peacock right in the head, and he burst into flames. I picked up the baseball and saw that it said “Roger Maris’ 61st Home Run” on it.