Sammy Sofa

Happ is PUMPED: http://www.csnchicago.com/sites/csnchicago/files/2017/02/23/ian-happ-0223.jpg

I really do like the thought of Zobrist batting lead off until Schwarbs figures his stuff out. It only matters once really, but I'd rather have Zobrist and his .350-.360 on-base percentage start our first inning, because it's a great opportunity to score a run with who is behind him. Granted, I'd put Schwarber in the cleanup spot and not No. 2, but still. Basically I'm good with almost any lineup of Bryant, Rizzo, Schwarber and Zobrist somehow making up the first four spots.

Lineup changes working nicely thus far. I say go whole hog and have Russell bat after the pitcher instead of #8.

Part of me would be annoyed that the meatballs would get so much satisfaction if Schwarber started hitting now that he's not hitting leadoff, but a MUCH bigger part of me is, like, "horsefeathers it; I just wanna see some dongs." And that was a good start, Zobrist.

NO FIRST INNING RUN ALLOWED.

Schwarber plays LF with all of the finesse of a Gamorrean guard.

Jerry, it's Frank Costanza! Mr. Ricketts is here, Jake is dead, call me back!

Dammit, why did the Cubs poke the Bear. Now they're triple-doomed.

What about hit by a baseball, thought not HBP? As a freshman I was playing 1B and watched the starting pitcher get a line drive slammed right back into his teeth. Somehow didn't knock any out, but basically pushed the front few, top and bottom, back. SO much blood; dude instantly looked like clown when they have those huge red lips painted on.

That's not what happened: she questioned his parenting because he's a freakshow constantly out there showing he is, indeed, someone it would be a horsefeathering nightmare to have as a parent. His entire persona revolves around him crowing about him being the dad of these kids, so, yeah, let's not suddenly get all high and mighty and act like his role as a parent is off limits. If he had an issue with what she said, he could have responded to what she said, but instead he just decided to be a sexist dick on national TV and didn't address the parenting thing at all. Which, by the way, just furthers the case that he's a terrible parent. This idea that talking about someone as a parent is somehow "stepping over the line" is nonsense. Nothing about this guy is off limits because of how HE has put himself out there.

I think tree is technically next with gam thread, then Jersey, then me.

Don't agree with Ball here. But a big ass part of this story that is consistently being left out is that Leahy was on air really talking trash on Lavar as a businessman and especially criticizing him as a parent. I thought Leahy's comments (which can be heard here: http://uproxx.com/dimemag/lavar-ball-kristine-leahy-fs1-parenting-cowherd-rant-video/2/) are out of line and disrespectful. Obviously, Ball handled it in the probably the worst way possible by talking down to her on her own show. Instead of confronting her about her disrespect, he just gave it back without context for most. As for the "don't market to women" stuff, I think that comes off as sexist but I don't think that was the intent. It only comes off as sexist because of the "stay in your lane" comment and because he was trying to dismiss her for her comments. There's plenty of brands that don't market to women....especially athletic companies in their early stages like Nike, Jordan, etc. I think Ball could have answered the marketing to women question better if he went into the studio with a level head without Leahy's comments. Of course, that's also assuming he has any kind of common sense or ability to articulate, which is in doubt. Basically, 2 wrongs don't make a right. She can't say the stuff she said and then play the victim like she's being attacked for no reason. He can't continue to be an horsefeathers and throw a hissy fit because people treat him like he's an horsefeathers. Ball IS a terrible parent, and this repeated mantra of "durrrrrrrrrrr, you don't criticize someone else's parenting" is dumb, especially when it's about someone trying as hard as possible and as obnoxiously as possible to show the world that they're a terrible parent and person.

Who do gam thread?

This is a savage brutality. The Cavs should be allowed to shred one of the banners in the rafters.

https://deadspin.com/tim-tebow-exhibits-that-old-nfl-accuracy-hits-fan-in-d-1795382840

How come Joe doesn't have the team do all that goofy stuff anymore?

Strop not dead.

The Cubs are damned until Trump leaves office. That was the trade.

Sorry, I should have said 10.

Wait, I mean 9.

Yeah, but they have 8 strikeouts. SO THERE.

In before anyone annoyingly tries to look at Duensing as being not worthless as a bright side: http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2012/11/WHOOP-DE-DOO.gif

Still time to buy low on Schwarber, I guess.

Christ, La Stella is their hottest hitter right now besides Happ. What a world.