"Jays GM Confirms There Never Really Was A 'Roy Halladay'"

[Electron Blue]

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/blue_jays_gm_confirms_there_never?utm_source=a-section

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Halladay.article.jpg

"We needed a new face for the franchise back in 2002, but our roster was pretty thin," Ricciardi said. "So we included a clause in our pitchers' contracts that said anytime they posted a decent start it'd be attributed to a 'Roy Halladay.' Then after the game, we'd say, 'There's a Halladay start,' or, 'Good old Roy, at it again.' At the end of the season, we said he'd won 19 games, and scouts were asking about him all over the place. It wasn't really too difficult adding him to the roster, since we haven't had any press covering the team in 15 years."

 

Ricciardi shrugged and added, "Roy's my uncle's name. And whenever we needed a face, like for his baseball card, we just used a picture of our UPS guy."

 

Roy Halladay is just the latest in a long string of completely fictitious Blue Jay greats, a list that includes Dave Stieb, Jesse Barfield, and Joe Carter, whose home run to win the 1993 World Series was actually just a two-run single in the seventh inning by Paul Molitor.

 

 

 

(it's The Onion of course)

[Prizefight]

I love the onion. They've had a bunch of funny Cubs ones over the years, this is one of my personal favorites

 

 

 

CHICAGO—At a press conference Wednesday, the Chicago Cubs and their absence from the World Series announced an agreement to a four-year contract extension, with an option for another six years.

 

"The relationship between the Cubs and their absence from the World Series is strong, as both sides have shown loyalty to each other for the past 63 years," Cubs chairman Crane Kenney said. "It's something the fans have come to expect. Why, I remember sitting around the fire as a boy, talking with my grandfather about how the Cubs would never make it to another World Series. I only hope my children and their children and their children's children have the same opportunity." Despite rumors, absence from the World Series would not admit to holding closed-door talks with the Mets.

 

[Clem Fandango]

"Baseball is built on little deceptions: the curveball, the hidden-ball trick, the existence of Stan Musial. And we're not the only team who bends the truth. The Padres played 212 games last year just to make a little extra money. Just slid by and no one noticed. Milwaukee doesn't even have a third base."

 

:rotfl:

[chopsx9]

"Baseball is built on little deceptions: the curveball, the hidden-ball trick, the existence of Stan Musial. And we're not the only team who bends the truth. The Padres played 212 games last year just to make a little extra money. Just slid by and no one noticed. Milwaukee doesn't even have a third base."

 

:rotfl:

 

"Gold Jerry, Gold!"

 

There is some brilliant quip that ties this into Bill Hall's self proclomation as the best 3B in baseball ... but I'm not smart enough to come up with it.