Let me put on my Mariotti hat and give it a go. "All is not well in Cubdom. The Rev. Johnny B. will need to hold a revival rivalling the Sermon on the Mount to get this bunch of non-believers to even show up at Chapel Wrigley, let alone try to win. Indeed, the Tribsters no doubt are fuming this morning following the Lovable Losers' eighth straight loss to a bunch of kids from AA Bravo Town. Shelling out $100M and being four games under .500 in July will do that to you. (Though, had they spent money on the numberous free agents instead of being constrained by chronic tight-fistedness, they may be in a better position than relying on Hollandsworth, an unproven Dubois, et al.) Baker and his boys will see themselves hung in effigy on Sheffield when they return to the Not So Friendly Confines. All the while, you have to wonder if they had acquired the Sheffield playing in right for the Yanks when he was ripe for the picking if they'd be in this situation. That was Cubdom's Sheffield of Dreams. Now, they are lost. Desperate to do something, the manic Jim Hendry finally dumped underachieving Corey Patterson, banishing him and Dubois to the minors late last night. The scapegoats have arrived! In their steads, youngsters Adam Greenberg and Matt Murton were summoned as personal water boys for Baker and his No So Good Pitching Coach, Larry Rothschild. Never fear, Cub fans, Kerry Wood will return to the hill and throw a gem, striking out 1 billion Marlins, and life will be good again. Cubdom will rejoice, "We've turned the corner! Woody's back!" The next day, Wood's arm will be in a cast, having torn every soft tissue structure from shoulder to little finger, and Baker will wonder why everyone is so made that Wood threw 243 pitches. Steve Stone, of course, will be smiling. Advice to Jim Hendry: Next season, look for Cub ballplayers, not Cub Scouts. Proverbial fork, meet bearhide."