Sammy Sofa

http://wiki.starwarsminute.com/images/archive/b/bb/20161210035215%21Yarael_Poof.gif

Preview of the Cubs pleading when NECKBOY is pulled early because of the dongening:

Man, I just feel bad for the dude. That's bleak as hell.

***5/18 UPDATE UPDATE*** The Barves game got rained out and will be made up on August 30th. The Cubs are now on to Cincinnati, and Lester will now be facing Homer Bailey, who is still hilariously somehow a thing. Homer is president of the Yes Homers Club this season; this dude is REALLY bad. Like, nightmarishly bad. No excuse for the Cubs to not clobber his dong into oblivion with their dongs.**** ***UPDATE*** After this was posted, the awesomely named MAX FRIED was named the Braves starter after Long Neck Dong was put on the DL with some kind of non-neck-related strain ***** How the hell have the game threads already cycled back to me on MAY horsefeathering 17TH?!? Yikes. Well, I don't want to go with another gif theme, since the Cubs are just slaying classic TV shows left and right. So, hey, do what you feel, people. The Cubs are relying on Lester tonight, who seems to be holding together his ancient body through willpower and rubberbands to somehow be (maybe?) the most reliable starting pitcher the Cubs have right now (don'tlookatthatFIPdon'tlookathttaFIPdon'tlookatthatFIP), which is more than a little terrifying since he's on the same staff as Quintana and Darvish. And also since he's, like, 58. And looks like a gigantic angry baby. The Braves are going with Frank Sobotka; I mean Nick Sobotka; I mean Ziggy Zobotka; I MEAN...Mike Soroka. The internet tells me that this Soroka fella has been a reasonably well-regarded prospect for a couple years, so that's worrisome. The internet also tells me he looks like this: http://www.milb.com/images/647336/t432/180x270/647336.jpg http://mlb.mlb.com/mlb/images/players/head_shot/647336.jpg http://www.capitolaveclub.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/19083156623_601a62cbbd_k_4j87sdp3_urvp7r89.jpg [expletive], LOOK AT THAT horsefeathering NECK. The Braves are sending Nessie out there. MLB allows a horsefeathering LAKE MONSTER to take the mound, yet gets all fascist on Zobrist's cleats and Willson's Venezuelan pride sleeve? THIS IS SOME NONSENSE. Protest this outrage with some RD-crunching (Coomer-style) dongs, Cubs.

Different player groups. Try again. horsefeathers. Make it Haniger, please.

I ordered the one for my dad on the 30th, too, but didn't hear anything until the call this past Sunday night. It really does sound like Pat is running the whole thing out of his home, so presumably it's held up by the Cubs' schedule and when they're in town.

This just isn't a great comeback. Because, really, both fan bases would take our last three years over their last three years and both would take our year this year so far, too. I mean yeah, I would for sure. But let's not act like the Dodgers are going away. They'll be contending for the next decade for sure.

SEASON'S BACK ON.

Yessssssssssss.

Zobrist. What the horsefeathers were you possibly swinging at.

Please let these chubs win this one. I'm not ready to be a game thread starter again so soon.

This just isn't a great comeback. Because, really, both fan bases would take our last three years over their last three years and both would take our year this year so far, too. I mean yeah, I would for sure. But let's not act like the Dodgers are going away. They'll be contending for the next decade for sure. And the Cubs...won't?

But hey, we can spank it to the [expletive] horsefeathering run differential, right?

Da horsefeathers is Baez swinging at tonight.

Can't have a 5th inning meltdown if he doesn't pitch the 5th inning, my dudes.

Drop Bradley, add Betts. Cespedes will probably turn out to have a wicked case of bonitis in his hip, but man, Bradley SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS so far this season.

Woof, Baez.

Early implosion dodged.

So with Quintana his curve is busted, and with Yu it's what, his slider? I thought I saw something similar discussed/posted here, that specifically what was off with Yu is he is either not going to his slider as much or it's being hit more this year than in the past.

And the wind cries...."Verlanderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...."

I missed a call from Patricia Hughes around 815 cst ..was that it? Turns out it was asking if I wanted the framed card personalized. Yeah, I had left a message about 5 days prior just wanting to confirm that my order had been received. He wanted to thank me for my patience, and then confirm whether or not I wanted it personalized. Pat's a good dude, even though it totally came across like he's running Kramerica out of his house.

Well, horsefeathers, I finally got the call from Pat at, like, 9 PM last night. So weird.

I would much rather watch a season’s worth of pitcher’s duels than this blernsball nonsense that essentially becomes a game of home run roulette, especially at Wrigley. You're just saying that since capitalizing on cheap dongs is the one thing the Cubs inexplicably can't get in on. Also: the Cubs' pitchers blooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww.

Wait until they make every stadium use the humidor and every game is 3-2. Exciting times ahead. Getting shutout from here on out is going to be a blast. I would much rather watch a season’s worth of pitcher’s duels than this blernsball nonsense that essentially becomes a game of home run roulette, especially at Wrigley. You're just saying that since capitalizing on cheap dongs is the one thing the Cubs inexplicably can't get in on.