The slow, inevitable death of my fandom, I guess. It's been such a big part of basically my whole life, it's not something I can, or even want to just shrug off easily. But more and more it's becoming clear to me that this org brings me more frustration and negative feelings than positive ones, and that shouldn't be the case, especially having seen so many terrible, terrible seasons (in terms of baseball being played). I have been kicking this around in my head, and I think part of it is where the Cubs are in their competitive cycle. Even if I abstract away the off the field stuff, and even if I set aside that the increasing blurnsball-ization of the game isn't my favorite, you're left with what happened last year, an impossibly frustrating march to the end where I can't even remember if I cared to watch the wild card game. And I think that's because at this point, the expectations for the team are, rightly, to win, and to win a lot. That means that my baseline expectation is higher and more likely to end up in frustration when baseball's special brand of day-after-day reality sets in. It almost makes me wonder if having down years or rebuilding periods is a net positive for fandom, because if the expectations aren't to win 95+ games then you can be pleasantly surprised, there's more room for things to go right instead of going wrong. That's really well put, and definitely a part of what's going on with me. I mean, the clear line in the sand for me is everything with Russell. That was something where they had multiple chances to do something that even resembled the right thing, and every single time they actively chose not to. Combine that with how outside of the rumors that MAYBE Kris Bryant's wife wasn't happy with how this was handled, everything seems to indicate that the Russell situation couldn't motivate a single horsefeathering person on the team to say anything that even remotely resembled being truly critical of the FO, or the team, or Russell himself. All of that really just kind of broke something in me, melodramatic as that sounds, in terms of being a Cubs fan. I think I really truly believed that at some point this would have somehow resulted in the Cubs doing anything but where they've ended up with him...and I just can't abide by that. Then you add on the type of relative disappointments you're talking about, the past decisions with guys like Murphy and Chapman, how they willfully went with the flow and went (again, relatively) cheap during the FA debacle that they clearly had been talking up like they were going to be big spenders in. Combine that with all of the garbage with the Ricketts...by the time the Sinclair stuff rolled around, that almost felt sadly predictable. It struck me at how little that surprised me; of course the Cubs, THESE Cubs, would happily do something so shitty. I know the reality is that a lot of this isn't far enough from how this team, and almost all of the others, have pretty much almost always operated, but for some reason this all feels different at this point. I don't like it, and I wish I could go back to enjoying my team like I did, whether they were good or bad.