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Sammy Sofa

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Everything posted by Sammy Sofa

  1. Sammy Sofa
    I think you're all fucked in the head. We're 2 years from the [expletive] wave of prospects and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something; this is no longer a rebuild...it's a quest. It's a quest for fun. You're gonna have fun, and I'm gonna have fun... We're all gonna have so much [expletive] fun we're gonna need plastic surgery to remove our [expletive] smiles! You'll be whistling "Go Cubs Go" out of your assholes! I must be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a bear! Praise Clark Cub! Holy [expletive]! We watch his games...we buy his jerseys, we go to his crappy park... he owes us! Doesn't he owe us, huh?!? He owes the fans, right? [expletive]-A right he owes us!
  2. Sammy Sofa
    If http://images.travelpod.com/tw_slides/ta00/de1/252/cubs-clubhouse-chicago.jpg is the Cubs players' clubhouse, what is his, the handicap stall in the upperdeck? A poop encrusted batting cage weighed down with rusted beer kegs.
  3. Sammy Sofa
    Animals look weird in pants. They do not, however, look weird wearing hats or holding bats. I don't know, I don't write these rules.
  4. Sammy Sofa
    Finally, something that speaks to ME.
  5. Sammy Sofa
    He looks like he's trying not to cry.
  6. Sammy Sofa
    One the one hand, yay, but on the other...5 years into his career I don't think any of us were thinking we'd be relieved if Castro pulled off a 3 WAR season.
  7. Sammy Sofa
    Hey, Japan somehow ends up making it even creepier. And that's not even touching how a lot of Asian actresses/singers end up trying to look "more white/European."
  8. Sammy Sofa
    You're kidding, right? I have a feeling you knew all along...even mentioned it twice to not look like a pervert. That's fine, I'll do it. https://www.google.com/search?q=Mai+Satoda&espv=210&es_sm=122&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=HCjUUomHG4Xd2QW0uICoAg&ved=0CAkQ_AUoAQ&biw=1600&bih=775 What is she like 14 years old? Is Japan the Alabama of Asia? Japanese women just tend to look young. I'm only spitballing here but maybe the food/vitamins they take are better in Japan? Or that it's a creepy sexualization of younger women/girls taken to the extreme so that you have someone like this (who is almost 30 and actually older than Tanaka) desperate to make themselves up to look like and act like a little girl.
  9. Sammy Sofa
    Well, now I have all too much hope. Thanks for that, jerk. Yup, I've done a complete 180 yet again. THIS BETTER WORK, NERDLINGER. To make sure I've got enough emphasis on that last part, I'll reiterate: they're the New York Yankees. They may say "50 million? DON'T CARE" and sign him up for whatever it takes. You can probably whittle into that number when estimating because Tanaka would make a big difference in their ability to get at playoff revenue this year and next. Even if you don't, this doesn't mean the Cubs are clear to get Tanaka for a sweet price, the Yankees are highly motivated and can still offer a healthy amount of money without running into luxury tax hassles. What this does do, is at least give a credible reason for them not to be head over heels for Tanaka. That means that we should be reasonably hopeful that if the Cubs are as hell-bent on Tanaka as some of the rumblings and quite frankly, their lack of offseason activity might indicate, that they have a pretty decent shot. Well, I'm not expecting a "sweet price" in terms of the Cubs getting some kind of deal; I'm still anticipating that they'll have to pay [expletive] you money to get him here. But I get what you're saying, TT.
  10. Sammy Sofa
    As an addendum, I think the best case scenario is that the calculation above is correct. That would very much make Tanaka a tipping point on whether they want to be in the luxury tax indefinitely or not. If they don't sign him, then they reset the tax rate, and while A-Rod's salary coming back basically wipes away all the money they have leaving in free agency, they can at least spend with a less heavy burden, plus they'll actually have received money from revenue sharing. If they do add Tanaka, they'll pay penalties this year(~10 million), they won't get anything from revenue sharing, they'll definitely pay penalties next year at the rate that's over 30% higher(they also have no large contracts coming clear after 2015). Basically, signing Tanaka is also signing up for a pretty huge additional payment, maybe of up to $50 million. They're the Yankees, so maybe they don't care. I still think they're the biggest threat to the Cubs in getting Tanaka. But unless I'm missing something pretty substantial(very possible, again I'm no luxury tax guru), if the Yankees are at all serious about staying under the tax this year, they have good reason to pass. Well, now I have all too much hope. Thanks for that, jerk. Yup, I've done a complete 180 yet again. THIS BETTER WORK, NERDLINGER.
  11. Sammy Sofa
    Modern era guys have playoff numbers that dwarf their predecessors, since they play so many more games, and more guys can get in. It blurs the "he was a clutch playoff performer" argument that dolts like this like to use. I keep willfully forgetting "he doesn't perform in the playoffs" because it's such a stupid thing.
  12. Sammy Sofa
    Wait...the ALDS? How the hell does that complicate things?
  13. Sammy Sofa
    Now, if only the theory that the Yankees have been granted a reprieve from the luxury tax (with the ARod thing) and now won't choose to blow past it is feasible... [expletive]. I'm back in.
  14. Sammy Sofa
    Urge to hope...rising...
  15. Sammy Sofa
    Oh, right; Almora is the one who has had different injuries, not Soler. Switched. Almora also looks a lot whiter than I expected. Maybe imb has a pioint.
  16. Sammy Sofa
    lets get some more of your hot sports takes then Outlook: not good.
  17. Sammy Sofa
    Is this actually a thing? That's pretty damn cool. I haven't looked at things since earlier this year, but there was a really strong correlation between pitchers being exposed to Bosio and an improvement in their GB%. Tanaka profiles as a guy who will still get his share of K's (not quite Shark-esque, but you get the idea) while still needing to keep the ball down with his splitter to get everyone else out. Well, [expletive], that's awesome. I hope he's the kinda guy that listens to something like that, because it sounds like something the FO would be all over.
  18. Sammy Sofa
    And to be fair I really don't pay attention to sports in general.
  19. Sammy Sofa
    Calm down, damn.
  20. Sammy Sofa
    Maybe it's an elaborate plan to end up with Graig Gentry.
  21. Sammy Sofa
    Is this actually a thing? That's pretty damn cool.
  22. Sammy Sofa
    literally! http://media.giphy.com/media/vV81KcJ9Eu15m/giphy.gif
  23. Sammy Sofa
    Wish it was Soler, but I voted Almora.
  24. Sammy Sofa
    BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRN.
  25. Sammy Sofa
    Soooooooo nobody should talk about it unless it's just posting news updates? not at all what he said and i dont see any way you could infer that unless youre just trying to be a stupid [expletive] up like usual Choice meltdown.
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