ConstableRabbit

"A recent trip to Ikea led me to purchase a Fuuong sofa sleeper. Upon bringing the Fuuong home and following the wordless directions that consisted solely of what I can only assume is a nudist Ziggy pointing at different pieces of the sofa sleeper, I found that one of the legs of the sofa sleeper was just under an inch shorter than the others. I called the 800 number for Ikea customer service but my conversational Swedish is limited to what I learned from the chef on the Muppets. Apparently, "Horgy, horgy, horgy" does not translate to, "The sofa sleeper you sold me has a short leg." Undaunted, I set out to find a solution. I decided that I could shim the short leg to give it the stability my sofa sleeper would need to hold up to the many uses I had planned for it. Those uses include: sitting on it with my right leg crossed over my left, sitting on it with my left leg crossed over my right, sitting on it with both legs on the floor, laying on it facing east, laying on it facing west, pulling the bed out of it and sleeping on it facing left, pulling the bed out of it and sleeping on it facing right, vigorous but tender love making, and sitting on it to play video games. The shim, sadly, did not hold up to each of these activities. Once, during a fitful, sleepless night because of the wobbling instability of the Fuuong, I had an inspiration. What if I could find a book that was nearly the same thickness as would be necessary to make up for the deficit in the short leg? I began to search Amazon.com for a book that was approximately 232 pages. At last I found one, titled "A Season For The Ages" by noted childhood comic book letter writing enthusiast Alvin Yellon. I purchased the book and slid it under the short leg on my sofa sleeper. It proved to be nearly adequate, and as a result of the passable amount of stability it provides my Fuuong I can now perform additional activities safely, such as eating bologna sandwiches while sitting, going to bed hours before I actually need to sleep to insure that I get my preferred spot on the sofa sleeper, and voicing strong, but mostly irrational opinions to no one in particular. I will admit that I did not read the book before I wedged it under the defective sofa sleeper leg. Just from the description on the book jacket it appears that the book would be a tedious slog to read, full of insights that are fueled only by 20/20 hindsight and a well worn bittnerness born of decades of off-putting smugness. I actually purchased the book used for 75 cents and feel that I overpaid considerably." But seriously, I just read some of the excerpts and it is, in fact, horrible.

He's posted with Yadi before. Puerto Rican thing.

Yeah, I didn't buy season tickets to make a profit. It's a vanity purchase and everyone should go into the process with eyes wide open: you're likely to take a bath for the right to go to whatever game you want. Still worth it.

Sorry if this has been posted already, but are they not re-doing the upper deck this offseason? We could really use some more bathrooms and concessions up there...

Dex was great for us, seems like a cool dude and I'm happy for him. But he was like my 6th or 7th favorite hitter on the roster before today.

the Cardinals radio call of the pickoff is my 2nd favorite moment in baseball history. http://m.mlb.com/video/topic/11493214/v31189779/must-c-conclusion-ueharas-pickoff-makes-sox-winners skip to 1:59 to hear it So awesome. So smug. Also on the first call McCarver is so bad at hiding his disappointment.

I feel like it should be when Almora or Jay come up 8th that should really bother you, if anything Finally, some real piss break options in CF.

I'm hoping he steals N Together Now from Cahill.

I don't think the Cubs FO of anyone would trade for Davis if they felt his arm was going to explode.

I'm in the very front 200s and I struggled to get back face (after fees) for most of the first half of the season. In the second half it picked up and I was profiting nicely on weekend games, at least. Weeknights were still nothing to write home about. Nevermind that the seats are basically the same as the back field boxes. People just don't realize it. If what you're saying here is that your seats are better than joe schmoe thinks they are because of their positioning, I'm riiiiiight there with you. Which is why I want to move to the bleachers. The rubes overpay for those, and when I want to go to a game to actually enjoy it, I'll swap them out for grandstands day of. Same thing happens with my IF UF Box. Those are awful seats in just about every stadium except Wrigley.

It's likely true on average. Bleacher seats are often overpriced and seats in the lower bowl are often outrageously purchased over face.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/ct-shake-shack-wrigleyville-1129-biz-20161128-story.html I have heard of Shake Shack, but I don't know a thing about it. I keep picturing it as equivalent to Steak & Shake, in which case I don't know why this would be news. Steak n Shake, with cleaner, cooler-looking restaurants and better service, with worse food, on a coast.

Seems appropriate to quote this after last night's game. What a heartbreaker for them...inbound the ball successfully and maybe hit some FTs and that game is won by NU Total heartbreaker. Watching college inbound plays against the press really shows how good pros are at protecting the ball.

how lazy do you have to be to have somebody else masturbate for you? If you have to ask, you can't afford it.

I realize that this line of thinking is bordering on the cliche, but I love Bauer's stuff out of the pen if it turns out that he's not going to be as effective a starter as promised. With that said, I think he can be quite valuable in the rotation. Would be interested in seeing what it takes.

Was he also littlelordfontenot? nope that's west side rooter. i don't remember what his name was before that Slide Castro Slide?

Man, this season was a dream.

Different strokes, I guess -- he doesn't belong in that sentence and it's weird af to do so. That's not a list of Cubs greats. That's a list of former players that were commonly around the team this year. Put differently, the list of former players commonly around the team this year includes Cubs greats plus Ryan Dempster.

or, as SEXY DEXY actually said... there isn't anything wrong with what he said, and he certainly didn't put Dempster on some sort of pedestal Different strokes, I guess -- he doesn't belong in that sentence and it's weird af to do so.

I don't hate him and would gladly cheer hard for him at a convention, first pitch, etc. He had a good career with us and was a Cub for 8+ seasons. I get that he's employed by the team and is around a lot of the guys more frequently than he'd otherwise be. With that said, it's weird to see him mentioned and featured so prominently while guys like Zambrano (10), and even Derrek Lee (6+) have been all but nascent. I would hope that the Cubs would at least invite Aramis to take part in some fan-facing stuff from time to time now that he's retired. It's definitely not a hatred, but more of a question of why Fowler would say something to the effect of "Man, it was crazy to win the WS and think of all of the guys who didn't win here but were cheering us on. Kerry Wood, Ernie Banks, Billy Williams... RYAN DEMPSTER."

1. He's annoying 2. There have been better players 3. There have been bigger fan favorites 4. He's being mentioned in the same sentence as two HOFers and a guy who arguably pitched the best game in MLB history

A legendary Harry Caray impression amirite? Maybe it's his general jackassedry like that impression that makes me dislike him so much. But as far as pure Cubs baseball resume, why then are we not similarly celebrating Kevin Tapani? Jon Lieber? Notable pitchers with more career WAR as a Cub than Dempster (outside of the obvious ones): Zambrano Sutcliffe Holtzman

#notmyace

who are all these hollywood celebs? I've heard a handful of 'em joke about it. This "hollywood celebs" thing is a story as old as time with the right wingers. They want to deny people rights and claim it's only rich actors in mansions. There are working people who are gay/minority/etc who are justifiably scared. Why does that amuse you? That is what Jake was referencing in his tweet. There have been several publicized amplifications of random celeb tweets on moving, like this one.

Yes. I think it's funny that people getting involved in a democratic election can't handle that they lost fair and square, so much that they are (falsely) claiming that they are going to literally renounce their citizenship. This happens literally every election and it doesn't get less stupid over time. people's rights are legitimately at risk. Minorities, women and LGBT people are in danger. And you find it funny. That's privilege for you. The Hollywood celebs that are threatening to leave likely don't have rights that are at risk. And you know nothing about my privilege.