Soriano's offseason workout plan (Onion)

[Magnetic Curses]

the part where soriano says that people are putting poison in my food was pretty funny.

[Careless]

The Onion, as a newspaper or whatever, is actually much better with just the headlines and without the articles that usually break the joke down way too hard and kills it.

 

For example, Headline: Cubs Hope To Get Disappointing Soriano In Shape By Swimming With Sharks, Skydiving Without A Parachute

 

thats it, thats the whole joke, we don't really need an article or a video about it, its funny, I chuckled, lets move on.

Headline only "story" from the Onion many years ago: "Jenna Bush's federally protected wetlands now open for public drilling"

Better without a story.

 

Midwest Peace Talks Shattered By Illinois Toll-Booth Bombing

Better with full text.

 

It varies.

[Derwood]

Best Onion "headline with no story" ever:

 

 

"Dildo Washed"