The next time Jed and Theo get together to catch up:
JED:
I work in a baseball front office because I always had a thing for beating up on bad bullpens.
2015, 2016, it got wild. We were coming back on bad bullpens every night. Always different ones… young pitchers, old pitchers. Sometimes multiple pitchers a night.
I was out of control. I became insatiable. And you know, after a few seasons of that, I started to lose it. Why do I feel this need to beat up on bad bullpens? What is desire? Why does this form of a bad bullpen pitcher have this grip on me?
I realized that I could see the Cubs come back on a million bad bullpens and I would never be satisfied. Maybe, maybe what I really want is for the Cubs to have one of these bad bullpens.
THEO:
Really? Not Really?
JED: No really. So one year, I signed some bullpen pitchers…
and instead of our offense playing f the closer… Our closer started f-ing us… and it was kindof magical.
And I got it in my head that I wanted our bullpen to be one of these terrible bullpens… getting horsefeathered by the other teams, and to feel that.
THEO:
Uh huh
JED: So one year, I put out an ad for a former closer with falling velocity who could come over and blow games for us. Found some guys that could do the job.
Then I put on a jockstrap and a jersey, made myself look like one of these pitchers. I thought I looked pretty hot. Then Brad Boxberger would come into the game and rail the horsefeathers out of us.
Then I got addicted to that. Some games, three… four guys would come into the game and rail the horsefeathers out of us. All of them I even had to pay. And at the same time, I hired Craig Counsell… To just sit there, and watch the whole thing. I’d look in his eyes while Eli Morgan is giving up 6 runs in 2/3 of an inning and think… I am him. And I’m horsefeathering me.
THEO:
Um hum...
JED: Hey, we all have our Achilles heel you know. Where does it come from? Why are some of us attracted to the opposite form you know? Baseball is a poetic game. It’s a metaphor. A metaphor for what? Am I a middle aged president of baseball ops on the inside too? Or inside, could I be Caleb Thielbar?
THEO: Right… I don’t know.
JED:
Guess I am trying to blow games on my way to the answer.