cubscott34

First World Problems: My thread starter record this year is actually 7-4 Sofa, not 4-3.

Still the Cobs, except for Nico, who showed he hasn't been infected with the Cobs virus yet. Padres are pitching a rookie whose name means "ball". So let's hope he throws a lot of them and the Cobs don't swing at them. That being said, when I see his name, I don't think ball, I think: Now I have to go fry some up. Go Cobs. Just win. That is all.

Cobs win!

3 for 4 with a 3B, 2 runs and 4 RBI and at least one more AB to come. Yeah, not a bad debut.

Nico... best Cub hitter this year.. discuss.

Nico!!

Schwar-bomb!

No one is here so I'm jumping in. If someone ahead of me wants to void this one, by all means go for it. Frankly, it doesn't really matter though because.. Cobs. Seriously, just win Cobs. That is all.

Looks like no one wants anything to do with starting a game thread.

My predictions from yesterday: Lucroy started and got a big hit.... check; Castellanos hit a HR.... check, check; Hamels dominated.... ok, so two outta three ain't bad. Either way, Road Cobs > Home Cubs, at least for one day. Let's keep it going. In today's game we got Yu babe (Yeah, I'm old enough to remember Sonny & Cher) going up against Temper Tantrum Bauer. Despite his childish behavior, Bauer can be good and, in his career he's done well against the Cubs... so long as you don't count two little unimportant games in 2016. One would think that with the way Yu has been pitching it should be a good match up. However, when I looked up the Edith Cox Small Sample Size Stat of the DayTM I learned that Darvish is undefeated on Friday games on the road, at stadiums alongside rivers, when his team scored more than 10 runs in the prior game* so screw Bauer and the Reds, we got this horsefeathers. Schwarber dongs, Yu goes six and the Road Cobs keep on rolling. Go Cubs. Just win. That is all. *The writer does not attest to the accuracy of this stat and recommends that one should never rely on SSS when gambling or otherwise trying to make ridiculous points on a message board

Jedi mind trick.. if the Cubs think its still 8/7 then maybe they will also still think they're at home and not on the road. . . . . . . . Either that or I just cut and pasted my previous day's thread title and forgot to change the date. But really, Jedi mind trick.

So Q was dominant, but Rizzo's donger is apparently broken. No matter though because Happ, Schwarbs and Caratini had his back and the Cubs rolled to an easy win. But that game was at home and now we go on the road.. against the Reds.. who we suddenly stopped dominating this year either home or away. It's time to put up or shut up road Cobs. Start winning on the road and suddenly people will say this division might not be up for grabs anymore. But really, the question of the day is... with a lefty on the mound will we see the debut of the newest cub in the starting lineup? I say yes and I say he gets a big hit while Castellanos also gets his second dong as a Cub as the entire Cubs offense against lefties finally shows some life. Not going to matter though because Hollywood is going to shut them down. Go Cubs. Just win. That is all.

Cubs haven't lost a home series since May. They are going to keep that streak alive. Q dominates and Rizzo dongs. But no memes or gifs from me until you win a series on the road Cobs... Just win. That is all.

The Cubs won a game! Now we move on to the Dodgers... and even worse, Clayton Kershaw is starting. But we got Big Jon going for us, so not all is lost. I believe the bats will continue to dong and Rizzo and Bryant will celebrate when it's all over. Just win Cubs. That is all.

It's Hollywood vs. some guy who I've never heard of and can't pronounce. Somehow though, that guy beat Jacob DeGrom in his last start... and he did it without striking out a batter. Seriously? http://33.media.tumblr.com/4657dfbbb0ba9917e679d39246d82149/tumblr_n7ytve1QS41tfa8pto1_400.gif No matter. We got this. Time for the the bats to wake up. Just win Cubs. That is all.

After another great win, the Cubs closed the gap ever so slightly on the Reds league leading ERA. It now stands at 3.35 for the Reds and 3.38 for the Cubs. Meanwhile, thanks to the man-god that is The Professor, the Reds saw their already league worst team batting average drop even further to .214 and their putrid team OPS drop to .675. Let's look at some other meaningless stats... Since starting 2-7, the Cubs have gone 23-7 for a .767 winning percentage. Translated over a full season, that would be equal to roughly a 124 win pace. Even more, despite starting out the season with 6 losses in the their first 7 games, the Cubs now have fewer losses than any other team in baseball, and, percentage wise, have the best record in the NL, second only to the Astros in all of baseball. Lastly, before the season started, the Cubs' odds of making the playoffs stood at 64.2%, with a 47.4% chance to win the division. On April 14th, the Cubs odds of making the playoffs stood at a paltry 38.5%, with a 26.1% chance of winning the division. Presently, those odds are now 85.1% and 64.3%, respectively. #wearehorsefeathersgood With the good news out of the way, its time for the bad news... Yu Darvish is pitching game two against the Reds. However, before we simply give up, do know that Yu has never lost to the Reds in his career and owns a 1.93 ERA against them in 3 starts. Nonetheless, on the opposite side, Sonny Grey's numbers are a bit misleading as his peripherals suggest he's been the second best starter for the Reds so far this year behind Castillo and has already contributed 1 WAR, despite the 4.15 ERA. I suspect the Cubs will need the offense to wake up a little more for this one, and, in the end, the dongmasters will ultimately prevail. Go Cubs, hit dongs, score runs, dump Russell. That is all.

Good win on Sunday Cubs. Off days suck though. We finally face the Reds for the first time this year. But these aren't the Reds from the last few years. Somehow, through the magic of smoke & mirrors, the Reds now have pitching, with a NL best team ERA of 3.36 through the quarter-mark of the season. However, right behind them are the Cubs, who now have a NL second best team ERA of 3.44. I suspect that by the end of the series, those positions will be reversed. On the hitting side, the Cubs bats were cooled down just a little this weekend, but I believe that had more to do with the weather than anything else. Nonetheless, they still sport an OPS of .799, good for fourth best in MLB and 2nd best in the NL. Meanwhile, the Reds, have struggled to a whopping .685 OPS, good for 24th in baseball, and have a MLB worst team batting average of .216. The Cubs are 9-0-1 in their last 10 series and have been the best team in baseball since their 2-7 start. Both of those trends continue through this series, starting with this game right here. Go Cubs.. hit dongs, score runs. That is all.

Ok Cubs, you won. But seriously, wtf?? I asked for runs… you gave me 2. I asked you to beat the sorry-ass Brewers by a lot and you win by one… and, on top of that, it took fifteen… FIFTEEN horsefeathering innings! Lastly, I asked you to get rid of Russell and, well horsefeathers, he’s still there... although thank you for at least not allowing him to do anything good again. Let’s recap what happened though, shall we. You scored one run... ONE horsefeathering RUN... against Kyle “I miss my mommy” Davies. The guy looks like he’s 12 and has a tattoo of the Space Needle on his arm… the motherfucking SPACE NEEDLE!! What’s even worse is that the first run would have never scored without an aggressive, but appropriate, send of David Bote followed by what has probably been the best slide ever by any Cub player NOT named Javy Baez. Seriously, you guys should’ve donged his ass into next week. But you didn’t. No excuse. Fortunately, Contreras saved all your asses with his master donging in the 15th. (We forgive your earlier DP groundball after a dumb bunt attempt, Willy.) Tonight, Big Jon Lester takes the mound against someone called “Julie” Chacin. I understand that, in reality, we aren’t going to need much because he’s Big Jon and it's ESPN, but for fucks sake, SCORE SOME horsefeathering RUNS, WILL YA!! That is all.

Hey Cubs, You know what? Losing sucks. Also, the Brewers really suck. And most importantly, losing to the Brewers really, really sucks. :nono: :nono: :nono: Time to beat these no good, sorry-ass cheatin', racist [expletive]. By a lot. That is all... except please get rid of Russell too. Thanks.

Do the Cardinals have early dinner plans at Olive Garden or something? Must be Senior Special Friday or something there and Molina's told them to hurry this horsefeathers up.

No, you're not, and it's annoying.

In

1. Bryant dongs 2. Baez steals home But Cubs lose 13-2.

I remember this game vividly for a couple of reasons. I was watching this game with a couple of friends and my now ex-wife, who is a die hard Giants fan. We had been married for only a little more than a year at the time. I called the Gaetti homer in between innings, before the Cubs came up, telling everyone that the Cubs were going to break the scoreless tie on a Gaetti homer. When it happened, I went screaming through the house, "I called it motherfuckers!" Needless to say, my ex-wife was none too pleased and, looking back, that was probably the beginning of the end of a marriage that should have never happened...wtf was I thinking marrying a Giants fan. Lol. Go Cubs!