Sammy Sofa
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Everything posted by Sammy Sofa
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Zobrist is the true prophet that all of those bonkers Tebow fans should be following. -
Love how every Molina Twitter thread I see always devolves into insane Cardinals fans arguing he's a lock for the HoF. It's like a Cubs fan declaring that Grace should be in, too (and yeah, I know they have to be out there).
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There's so many disturbing things in tree's gif, but none more so than the "sexy" dog-lady in the background. What the horsefeathers.
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2 swings, 3 outs.
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Bryant's all, "fine, I'll do it myself, dicks."
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Yeah, THAT'S what made Happ have a terrible AB. There was 3 pitches...1st pitch a terrible called strike vs a struggling hitter. 2nd pitch ball outside. 3rd pitch he pops up a ball in almost the same location as the 1st. Not saying he was going to get a hit but the 1st pitch certainly didn’t help the cause. No, but right now he's doomed before he steps to the plate.
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Most teams’ Bermuda Triangle doesn’t include their leadoff hitter. The pitcher's spot x 4 is a bit of a speedbump.
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Yeah, THAT'S what made Happ have a terrible AB.
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Fuckin' hysterical.
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Jesus Christ. You just have to laugh at Happ's post-HR numbers.
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I'd prefer it if it didn't even get to the point of a desperate hope that a call is overturned because their big FA is a bust and the Cubs suck at getting guys in from 3B.
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ONLY THE REJECTS CAN HIT.
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Thames, like Ohtani, singlehandedly has half as many dongs as the entire Cubs team does.
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David, every year your sig annihilates one of the players in it.
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Guys, GUYS; save some of this offensive awesomeness for the rest of the season! Pace yourselves!
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[expletive], I didn't realize Bautista was THAT bad last year.
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Why are you talking like a dude playing OF has to lead off.
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Corbs sock.
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Jesus, I just made the mistake of looking at the Cubs' offensive rankings. YEAH, I KNOW: SAMPLE SIZE. But hey, there are a bunch of teams kicking ass in that same sample size, too....that would be more fun! Or, heck, just reaching the NL average for OPS.
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Yeesh. Even I'd rather inexplicably talk about the doomed to be eternally terrible Bears than talk about that nightmare of a lineup. Though I guess it makes sense that you'd need to trot something like that out to give guys an extra day off and deal with injuries when you're...*checks calendar*...eight days into the season.
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https://deadspin.com/shohei-ohtanis-third-dinger-was-a-mighty-bomb-1825072302 Not so fun early baseball stats: stupid dumb jerk Ohtani has already hit 3 dongs. The Cubs as a team have hit 6.
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Guys, the real answer is that the offense early on in the season is a bag of farts that hinges on convoluted nonsense like multiple batters to score a measly single run, or a lunatic getting conked on the head by a thrown baseball so he can pull off an inside the park HR, instead of just cutting to the chase and smothering us all in DONGS. Keep it simple, stupid: more dongs = more wins. THIS IS ALL SCIENCE.
