Sammy Sofa

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Heyward's walkup music should just be Chopin's funeral march. Hey, if he miraculously remembers how to hit, it'll still sound bad ass. Win-win.

Please just copy and paste for the rest of us, thanks.

Until I saw they changed the angle for some of the other players, too, I thought they did it for Heyward to stop showing that the balls he was hitting would just be soft flyouts.

Man, Heyward sucking is such a foregone conclusion he didn't show up in the poll or the discussion yet.

Well, horsefeathers, TI is old as dirt.

[expletive], the Maddux thing still hurts. I was 13, and that was my first moment of real Cubs heartbreak where it was, like, "horsefeathers, maybe this team really is fucked."

Yeah, but most of these guys have immortal legacies as Cubs already even if they never played again. You're good. Till they get accused of rape or domestic violence or sexual harassment, etc.

I always picture Borowski as being much heftier than he was. Must've been the sweating.

Skinny Z was NOT COOL. Coke was a little heavy and Motte was, I think, just dirty and wore sloppy, baggy uniforms. I forgot about Cahill; he was definitely a chunkster.

Yeah, but most of these guys have immortal legacies as Cubs already even if they never played again. You're good. i'm still regretting not having bought one of the gold numbered ones from last year Yeah, me too.

Man, who would have technically been the last fatguy pitcher they've had? Scott Eyre? I must be forgetting someone since. And no, Zambrao definitely doesn't count. Dude was THICK.

Yeah, but most of these guys have immortal legacies as Cubs already even if they never played again. You're good.

I'm definitely making my first named jersey since Prior a Contreras jersey.

Lester is prob the closest thing to a fat guy on the roster Yeah, I was looking for a giant baby-looking guy with a big ol' gut, and was let down when I realized that was him at the front. Start snacking more, dammit!

Contreras because he's the second coolest and a bajillion people are gong to have Baez shirts/jerseys. Rizzo because that's a great name to have on your back.

I'm weirdly disappointed that the Cubs haven't had a classic fatguy pitcher in forever.

President Chugalug.

Once again, it's not a huge deal; just probably not the best idea. If he had said something as broad as you did here? Great! Specifically pointing out that Quintana's team-friendly deal that helped make this happen? Probably something that's not necessary to single out. YES, WE KNOW.

Once again, it's not a huge deal; just probably not the best idea. If he had said something as broad as you did here? Great! Specifically pointing out that Quintana's team-friendly deal that helped make this happen? Probably something that's not necessary to single out.

I kinda feel like I really wasted this gif by not applying it to minnesotacubsfan in the first place:

Look, I know a lot of you think being a baseball robot is the thing that all the cool kids do, but it's more than a little odd to be talking about how you could afford the guy you just signed because the guy you traded for the year before is on a VERY team-friendly deal. Like, everyone knows it's true and he's right, but it just seems like one of those things where you don't talk it up to the press. What's the point? Similarly, I know it's en vogue to be on the lookout for exploitation of players given the current offseason(and to an extent, political) climate, but I don't see a big issue in clarifying the logic behind the moves when there's a direct correlation. Quintana is on a team friendly deal, and part of that is a function of the arbitration system, but he's on a team friendly deal because of a conscious choice he made to lock in tens of millions of dollars that were far from certain at the time. I'd love for the Quintana's of the world to get a larger share of the pie in the future too, but I don't think it's gauche to point out that the contract he signed with another team facilitated other moves. There's just zero need for it beyond, "hey, look how smart we are." When you're talking about your franchise in The Show, great! When it's something that involves actual people that you're going to have to negotiate with, maybe it would be the smarter play to not try to needlessly show off at what is arguably at Quintana's expense. Like, I doubt anyone would want Theo talking up how great it is that Rizzo and Bryant are so affordable vs. their production right now when they sign Harper next year. Basically there was no "logic that needed to be clarified." It's not a huge deal, but it probably wasn't the best choice, that's all.