Roast

Who's up next?

I can promise you after being in a stadium half-filled with them the past three days - they are worse than plenty.

aaannddd now they're on to fellating the cards fans.

Well, at least he's not inge.

Gonzalez trying to out-suck Inge.

Yeah, Inge isn't gonna hit one.

Shocking

We need Albert to counsel and teach Soriano Or just switch teams with him.

Pujols talking about the importance of taking walks :(

With as much of that massive body as fielder puts behind each swing, he'll peter out by the end of the second round.

:-))

What, was that pitch too hot for you, Molina?

stupid pujols.

Pretty sure Howard would win that one by default. ETA: Also, I had no idea Mauer has been in such a HR-slump as of late.

Awesome. You actually have a decent chance of grabbing some longballs when Pujols is at the plate.

Yeah, those things are godawful. Though, LaRue's is probably the best thing ever.

Catchers have a hell of a lot more contact with the baseball (and thus, chances to screw up - considering how godawful of a defender Fox is) than does a 2nd baseman.

That's a pretty sub-par list for the AL - excluding Mauer.

This could be true - but I really see no way in hell that they would let wells catch in game one. Even if both Hill and Fox go down. Because then, either wells has to pitch after crouching for a couple innings or someone else gets called from the pen (Samardzija?) to start.

Seriously. I get the "veteran vs. Rookie" logic, but still. The way Z's pitches move on a good night - fox will be letting balls get passed him every at bat.

That is absolutely awesome.

OK then, here's what the CUBS have done against Carpie this year.......... vs Carpenter AB R H 2b 3b HR RBI BB SO BA OBP SLG OPS BABIP P/PA IsoD RBI% Theriot 2 0 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 0.500 0.500 1.000 1.500 0.500 2.00 0.000 0.000 D Lee 2 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 1 0.500 0.500 0.500 1.000 1.000 5.50 0.000 0.000 Soto 2 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.500 0.500 0.500 1.000 0.500 2.00 0.000 0.000 Bradley 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0.000 0.500 0.000 0.500 0.000 4.50 0.500 0.000 Fukudome 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0.000 0.500 0.000 0.500 0.000 3.50 0.500 0.000 Fontenot 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0.000 0.000 0.000 0.000 0.000 5.00 0.000 0.000 Soriano 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 2 0.000 0.000 0.000 0.000 0.000 4.33 0.000 0.000 Scales 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0.000 0.000 0.000 0.000 0.000 3.00 0.000 0.000 tot vs Carpenter 17 0 3 1 0 0 0 2 4 0.176 0.263 0.235 0.498 0.231 3.53 0.087 0.000 totals vs St. L 309 36 74 17 1 5 32 26 75 0.239 0.301 0.350 0.650 0.301 3.78 0.061 0.176 Season totals 2792 338 689 134 11 90 324 290 613 0.247 0.322 0.399 0.721 0.287 3.87 0.075 0.160 Haha why am I wasting my time driving 3 hours for this? You're judging this based on how the cubs fared in (at most) 3 plate appearances against him?

+1

I would need to change my pants if we found a way to get him out of this division. Definitely not happening, obviously, but still.

lol cause he's jewish.