The offseason is over! It's time once again for some bone crunchin', brain-bruisin' FOOBAW! For tens of millions of American men, football gives them something to live for, a reason to cling to the tattered funerary shroud of masculinity. Right now, America's eight-year old boys are doing daily Oklahoma drills for Pop Warner in the hopes that one day, roughly 1500 out of those millions will achieve the coveted title of Professional Football Player and receive fame, fortune, and casual sex with attractive women. Let's horsefeathering go!