Aaron Kennelly

Nice. Now score.

I also want a wire-to-wire last place finish for the Redbirds.

what the hell, Javy?

Drop KB to 9th in the order.

Holy horsefeathers, the Cardinals are now allowing music to be played? How progressive!

It's been far too long without a dong. Appease me, Addi.

Good horsefeathers, big fella.

Yes.

Back to being a Cardinals mole, I see.

That patience...

Still got it!

I'll be seeing South Bend several times in May. I'm excited to see Paredes, among others.

I forgot about all the pessimism in the game threads. 2 runs allowed!?

I'm sorry, but it looks like we have our 15 losses already accounted for this year. Better luck not year.

Thanks for this, bukie. Obviously this was amazing. But it really helped make the whole off-season and Spring Training seem a lot shorter. These moments will be fun to pore over for I don't know how long. Thanks, again. It was a great idea. And you did an awesome job with it.

I do think this promo will prove prophetic, though. It's only proper for Bryzzo to be expanding this year, with basically the whole team set to dong 30+ times.

Our team is so fun and badass. Never mind John Lackey.

It's baseball season! Go Cubs! Dong the hell out of these scrubs.

Giancarlo Stanton is owed like half-a-trillion dollars and has averaged 115 games played per season over the last 5 years.

Remember how good this guy is at defense? https://twitter.com/Cubs/status/847613501828759553

Yeah, Hector looks cooked. But the velocity has still been there, right? Just stick him in during blowouts and hope he figures it out. If he doesn't, then oh well he gave us some really good years.

July games in Cincy... They might as well have the Reds bat first.

I'm in.

Javy might end up being the best of them, but not until Willson is for a year, and then Addi is for a year, and then Almora is for a year, oh and Schwarber is that one year he hits 78 homers.

If you believe ZiPS, about 75. I think we could squeeze a little more out. For one ZiPS, like most projections systems is usually a little conservative on defensive projections -- with good reason, especially for young guys with little defensive data. So I bet we pick up a little there. And with worse pitching, I bet the defense has more opportunities to shine. More balls in play, more guys on base, more chances to save runs for all of our elite defenders. I bet our defense and pitch framing could make some horrible pitchers look more pedestrian than horrible by traditional metrics. And, depending on the parameters of this exercise, I bet we could pick up a few more wins. For instance, are we allowed to keep cycling through guys? Can we keep choosing different replacement level-guys until we find one that sticks? And there's got to be a guy or two in the minors that could be a little better than replacement-level -- if even only worth half-a-win. Maybe Eddie Butler is worth a win. Maybe some hard throwers do alright out of the pen. It might take awhile to find them, but we could cobble something together. And then putting that together with what I said above, maybe we can find a guy -- like, say, Clayton Richard two years ago -- that fits well with our studly infield defense: lots of ground balls, not so many home runs, sucks more because he can't strike anyone out, but that's not as much of a problem with our position players.